Friday, December 22, 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

you are so far: señor sol

winter solstice day

your warmth doesn't reach us
the distance makes my days shorter
and this long night, colder

oh sol! estas tan lejos...

Thu., Dec. 21, 2006
marks the solstice—the beginning of winter in the Northern Hemispher
and summer in the Southern Hemisphere

italian made: panettone

this is my favorite italian 'Boun Natale' bread
Mexico gave Christmas a beautiful look
with 'La Flor de Noche Buena'
and Italy gave it a wonderful taste
with the Panettone (recipe linked)
I usually stock up on Panettone at Trader Joe's
my favorite grocery store!
got some German Schloss Biebrich wine while there too
recommended as well

Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
thanks to A & L for coming around and eating with me

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


i found these photographs of myself from 2001!
when obviously i had not much to do
but to take pictures of myself
with my new spiritualized t-shirt *yawn*
yet, i am glad i've found them!
a reminder of
& yeah! spiritualized!!!!
another superb band

because they rock!
& i still proudly wear their t-shirt
a present that perro got me back in london
at one of their shows in 2001

i have seen spiritualized 3 times live
once in a small record store in San Diego
& the t-shirt, somehow still fits, i am just not as vain anymore

and please don't miss this video
make yourself a musical favor because
it is an orgasmic performance!
an spiritualized one
stay on queu till the finale, and...
come together... oh! yes!

sunny but freezing!

San Diego weather these days
here from the morning local TV news
the highlight: the weather man
"we didn't bargain for this, we moved to Southern California"

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Monday, December 18, 2006

i don't think so

I have read Conan Doyle
I have read a lot of Lovecraft's
Sherlock Holmes Vs. Cthulhu?
it just doesn't sound right
noooo, I don't think so...


i woke up this monday morning
to discover 2 new gray hairs close to my forehead
they are small and newborns, really short still
i was about to pull them out but...
i realized i was actually kind of proud of them...
of my aging
so i smiled & left them there
they are obvious since the rest of my hair is very dark
(oh i have a couple more already but among the rest of hair,
you can't really see them all the time)

i wonder how i will look when i am a 60 year old lady? or 70?
if i make it that far, i hope i can still smile
and hold a wrinkled hand besides me
and wear all my white hair proudly
yeah! one day i will be a very old woman
(hopefully) and i will smile at the adventures of
the new 2 gray hairs of when i was 37

Friday, December 15, 2006

san diego rains

stop, a red-light
hazy 6.36pm ski
a green-light wait over wait
horizontal and sad southern-california
one-storied dusky bar to the left, wide, plane

all is flat here today
warning of the strongest storm of the year
for this weekend

to the right: the same blue structure of yesterday
but one day older, today
wide & spread
street of 4 lanes, we just need 2
constant parallelism reigns
middle-centered car look out for

i rest my elbows on the wheel drive
and my face on the palms of my hands
a feeling tastes like dust
climbs slowly up my chest

a brown feeling
mixture of aloofness and pain

treadmill today
walked 3 miles in a trance of obtuse obscurity
the ymca, the second day
following the steps of my own feet
head on the face
not the other way around
not today

Thursday, December 14, 2006

seeing through

i used to send pieces of stnd poetry, to a friend writer that lives in NY, in case he could publish me one day... i found one piece from over a year ago, it is not fiction. if you see closer at the picture (usually the series of stnd poetry come w/a picture) you can see some veins; and behind the camera, the bones did show, as well... oh hell!
last night got amazed by the transparency of my flesh
my ten fingers’ own tissue, cartilages, capillaries,
little tubes the veins
even the sturdy bones were translucent!

i was reading this japanese abe
with a light over my head
the little lamp’s so intense
with that sort of beam that burns
the some-hair left on your tired head
sometimes too warm for the summer
over-heats your brain
anyway, all was ok

but then i extended my arm on top of my head
in a stretching tired sign of my agedness
the light behind my fingers’ flesh
revealing plenty of veins and transparent lode of myself

last night i saw my fingers’ veins
my internal touchable self

felt the weakness
of this body


made just with a few post-its
a camera
and a neat imagination

Uploaded by sabo-tage

of treadmills and broken hearts

The life inside my head is a mess right now
I feel that I have fallen in love with an impossible idea/man

When is correct to set limits to your own dreams?
Shall I give up on this distant dream?
every 5 minutes I think of it
I don’t want to kill a love that just starts to flourish
But sometimes I feel like I am the only side interested
Every day I try to come out with ideas and movies
And things to call your attention
But I guess I am boring and my comments are lately,

I just wanted to have fun!
to follow a flow of comments
back & forth and share ideas
but I am not part of that game
not sure if it's the language or the hours, or that I am just...
boring, and a bit dark
but I am the loner commenter, no flow or follow up
no exchange of ideas
very nice words and thank you(s) those do come always
but feels like an obligation more than exchange of fun
I am just not very interesting after all

and... if the love & interest is just on my side
That I can’t control
I can’t control if someone feels excited to read my comments or lines or notes
A long time ago and painfully I learnt that in love are involved 2 people
And you can’t control the desires and feelings of another person
(And gladly)

I just crave again some company
(not just from a friend, thank God I have plenty of friends, but...)
Not even the arms anymore I miss but but
But a simple phone call
Oh well…
can you blame a woman for wanting to listen to the voice of the loved one?
For wanting to have a fun chat? or exchange of ideas?
how are you supposed to get to know someone?
for at least 5 minutes per month? oh well...
I don't think I was asking for too much
Loneliness and silence seems to be the reply to my answer
to my Romanticism and love that apparently is too much...

But instead of lamenting more
I did something impulsive tonight!
And healthy impulsive

I finally enrolled the YMCA!
And in spite of this strong head and heart aches
And went there for the first time tonight!
sadly my head still hurts

I have never used a treadmill before!
Yes I am an old-fashioned woman
I rather walk the streets but… not tonight
I was a sort of a funny sensation, that treadmill…
And after a fast walk combined with jogging of 45 minutes
I felt a little dizzy when I came down the machine
The way you feel after taking a long flight on a plane
Or have been riding on a train for hours

And here this little video so old and disco and silly
to celebrate my joining to the YMCA
And to the gay people too heh heh
such a gay and slightly 'ridicule' song
but fuck it!!! nobody seems to be reading this blog lately anyway
so I can write or post as silly things as I like to...
That I might join soon the gay people?, since my luck with men is so bad!!!
I might just date a girl now!!! or a guy from the Village People, ha! Just kidding…
the indian chief is kind of cute, but I bet he hasn't wash the feathers of his indian hat in years! and they are all so gay, that I don't think they'll find me a bit attractive
I will just play with the dizzy treadmill
I might loose some depression and weight on the process
and tomorrow is my office Christmas party and I don't really want to be there
but I have to... faking smiles that I don't feel right now
maybe some co-workers and alcohol will make me forget that
I actually have a soul and heart that feel broken...

Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...

Young man, are you listening to me?
I said, young man, what do you want to be?
I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!

No man does it all by himself.
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.
I'm sure they can help you today.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

la flor de noche buena

La flor de Noche Buena
a mexican tradition for the Christmas time

A time quest

our lives are so beautifully fragile
some days I feel like am just a leaf hovering along thin air
it is a mysterious awareness, this freedom
fearful might be sometimes
but blissful while comprehending
you are alive

Life could just end like that
Life could just smile at you easily
Out of a miracle
Full of love and surprise

Life is a time quest

Who told me this?
"You are what you do with your time in your life"

Write, write, write? You are writer
(no matter they haven’t publish you yet)
click, click, click? A photographer
(no matter if your photos are that good or not)
think, think, think? A thinker
(hopefully a righteous one)
smile, smile, smile? then you are fine…
or crazy, but that works, anyhow

And today I spent some of my time
Reading this interesting & engaging non-fiction book
So far page 299 and I can’t wait to finish it
Thanks again miss d for the recommendation!
And Erik Larson for writing it

The stories of the development of 1893’s Chicago’s World Fair and an American serial killer Holmes are tangled in this engaging and compelling story of the horrors and delights of human nature… and it all happened, not even that long ago (about 113 years), if you think globally, they were all our human fellows in Chicago, not that far either, the same planet & species… read the story, you won’t regret it The Devil in the White City

my blurry dinner

Monday, December 11, 2006

eggnog day

i will call this day the eggnog day
because thanks to the home-made eggnog with rum
courtesy of my neighbors, today i did absolutely nothing!
but to drink the eggnog
and to start this new knitting project ...
i wish every year ending will bring days like this more often

Friday, December 08, 2006


& again
2006's last days
unbelievable ...

& i got one of these
and apart from the tea
i've been making espressos
&... cappucinnos
(with a blender's help to foam the milk)

a done job

now line up to take it easy
catalog`s over & it's friday!
to work & then... the weekend

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


i haven't knitt in at least 15 years
but this weekend, out of the blue,
i started again!
i found some yarn in a box and the needles
and just started making this scarf above
i started this on saturday and it might be done tonight
i was surprised that i still remember well enough

for a year i knitted a lot, i made a couple of sweaters,
2 dog's sweaters, and many many (many) scarves, those are easy & fast
some gloves, but those with no fingers, just one big bag for the 4 fingers
and a couple of socks, those were popular too
not sure why i enjoyed it... maybe the weaver in me?
it is a very mechanical yet relaxing activity, perfect while watching movies on the television

image: to decompress from computer-time at work, more computer at home, miss the colors at work...

when happiness seems glandular

Today was one of those days
With a fine assorted display of many emotions
Almost all of them at once

At work
We are in the middle of a tight deadline
Late working hours & stress is the dish of the day
But today… in the middle of the rush
One of the nicest co-workers I have
and a rather interesting woman
Just faint
In the middle of a hallway
Just like that…

The paramedics came
Even the firemen
And they took her amidst display of medical apparatus
And men in blue & white

She’s fine now
Yet… the episode was one of those
That make you put on perspective
Your own path of life

That is
My little life
Is a pretty plain and uncomplicated one
I have some health issues, but nothing major
I have no real economic issues, although I am broke
At least I don’t have a debt to pay off
And my family is OK over all

I am a lonely person, even if a social one
But when I was a child I spent many hours by myself and still do
I don’t know much about living with anybody around
and I don't know nothing about living with a man either
I just lived once with a boyfriend for 7 months a long ago
and was hell, but he was the problem... I know that! heh heh
And I had a roommate but that’s different
My dad lived with my mom and myself just until I was 7 years old
So men world is a mystery to me
those things the use to shave and their houses full of men stuff
I have mostly lived surrounded by women all my life
and everything that comes with them
maybe to grow up surrounded by women made this highly emotional being that I am
maybe all this romanticism comes from my world with many women and not any practical men around

And yeah maybe I just miss sometimes a couple of strong arms
And a charming and protective smile of a nice man besides me
Some support and nice gentle caress while saying to my ear: All will be OK
But I have some hope of that, not now, for the next spring
that is If things go all well & OK from now to then
and if after the meeting the magic is still on, I really hope so...

So I am fine after all
Yet today…
The presence of death so close makes one recall
The little things that might be important in life
That, the first one
Life itself

And I wonder if I haven’t been selfish with myself lately
as all my friends say, not giving myself a chance
I don’t go out much lately or enjoy myself as I did in the old days
All, again, in my life seems fine
yet a routine feels is settling down around me
I work work work
then I e-mail e-mail e-mail
later i eat eat eat and
take photos photos photos
chat chat chat
sleep sleep sleep
just and all over again, week after week
and yes, it feels like something is missing
Not sure what… maybe it is because your strong arms are so afar?
Not sure

But sadly, happiness still seem pretty glandular to be able to get a hold of
The natural chemicals in my brain come and go
Natural seratonin from my own brain is what I crave for
Maybe exercise will bring it back
Who knows?

I just don’t want to one day to die suddenly and
With regrets of what I could have done
And didn’t do
Like spending all this time alone
Writing in a computer when I could probably be talking to a real human across a table now, interesting, because I never before thought of that, but I have no intentions to just go out and do that, not right now, next spring I will, but the table I have choosen to talk is damn pretty far!
That’s why I try to feed at least once a day, and that gives me some joy
but the real touch, a nice strong hug, pretty far from getting now
and that makes me a little sad tonight
makes feel lonely which I usually don't feel since I enjoy solitude
I guess not tonight.. but
This little hope that has grown stronger and hopefully will be nicely feed back

Yep, still, happiness seems pretty glandular
And even if content, I cannot say I am screaming of happiness
Not today, and maybe not in a while

To be in love again
To smile and laugh with the loved one
Hasn’t happened to me in years
Maybe 2007… maybe in the spring… huh?

tonight will be another strange night
thinking of the co-worker and the fragility of life
a thread that might be broken
such a delicate matter is being alive!

but good night and good wishes of health for all my friends
To accomplish whatever you look for in your life
you need to be healthy and alive
Don’t forget then, to breath tonight

In the meantime I do silly
The silliest projects like this blog
And I record silly things from TV
Like this soccer narration of a guy that is as lazy as I am every morning
Heh heh
Here the 1st part
I recorded in 3 parts so I include the links for part 2 and 3

So while we find love, friendship, and a real sense of achievement, happiness…
Or at least the perfect drug to make forget those values exist (heh heh)
Let’s laugh with the silly movie…

if you want to watch part 2 and 3 please click on links below
part 2

part 3

Sunday, December 03, 2006

sunday silent movie night

they show a silent movie
a sunday night tradition

here from december 3rd
x-mas' here!
the credits
from Down to the Sea in Ships (1923)

Friday, December 01, 2006

Execucisor - happy birthday Woody Allen

today December 1st is
Woody Allen's birthday
I love his quirky sense of humor!
from his classic Bananas
here the Execucisor scene

red-headed woman

Red-Headed Woman is re-running on Turner Classic Movies
this coming Monday, December 4, 06 at midnight
(meaning Tuesday 5, at the beginning of the day)
here a movie with old comment I made from the TV a while ago
stayed tuned until the end of the movie for a funny conversation

...this is a fragment of one of my favorite old movies Red-Headed Woman from 1932 with lovely Jean Harlow, i like this movie so much that i even died my hair red once, of course didn't have the results of adorable Jean (and thank god 'cause she did get into a lot of trouble) a superb movie from early charming Hollywood showing a whole deal of passion for those days, here its musical theme, the movie is bad quality because it is recorded from the tube but that's why i am able to uploaded here, such bad quality and cropping can't be copyrighted huh?...

Thursday, November 30, 2006

orange day, www again

this day felt orange

with a tint of wintry brown

a sepia taste
an almost placid melancholy
a sore throat and a cold i have
puffy & warm eyelids
a bit of fever (near 100 f)
aspirin double & tea
forehead & breathing are warm
like a bull, ha!
i got
the connection internet is back

wind escape red & dry
cold california
dry california
all at once murky firmament!
purple one billows
enchantment climate fades
desiccated the air even by the sea
one character number humidity percent
these days
humidity in 1 number figure percent
7 pm 57 °F/14 °C
promise of very low again middle of the night

i ordered thai spicy food
thai hot basil chicken
chile has vitamin c
and my grandmother said
it helps you "sweating off" the cold
and it also makes me smile

ordered at home
lazy & sick
feels like winter
even in california-land

today i had a case of
“the grass is always greener on the other side”
one can’t judge how intense is the physical or moral pain
of somebody else
one each one knows his or hers internal ache…

it is good to be back
anytime i want

welcome back to you too!
my crony who know reads

a shooting tree from last week

no internet

sorry for not replying comments
or posting for a while

an internet connection has faded
into the mainstream of this lost web

hope i can recover it again!
one day... until then!


Saturday, November 18, 2006

trivial particulars of life

when you arrive to a place and realize that the rest of people is dressed different from you…
how do you feel more comfortable?

a. being under-dressed
b. being over-dressed

please select... thank you! (smile)

just an inconsequential matter of dressing
one of those every day situations…

Thursday, November 16, 2006

1st home anniversary

today, but a year ago
i spent the first night in this my little home!

from my very first night spent here
some photos here
my first night tea
[linked to a story on 23]

i still remember the exciment of having a new home, the first night, alone and sleeping on the floor (waiting for my new mattress to be delivered the next morning) ah! nice
the smell of fresh paint mixed with new-home hopes...

by now i am all settled and i have expanded my mess around
comfy and nice!

happy anniversary to my little home!

karma police

a radiohead classic song and video

Karma police
arrest this man,
he talks in maths,
he buzzes like a fridge,
he's like a detuned radio.

Karma police
arrest this girl,
her Hitler hairdo
is making me feel ill
and we have crashed her party.

This is what you get,
this is what you get,
this is what you get,
when you mess with us.

Karma police
I've given all I can,
it's not enough,
I've given all I can
but we're still on the payroll.

This is what you get,
this is what you get,
this is what you get,
when you mess with us.

For a minute there
I lost myself, I lost myself.
Phew, for a minute there,
I lost myself, I lost myself.

For a minute there
I lost myself, I lost myself.
Phew, for a minute there,
I lost myself, I lost myself.

June 1997
Found on:
OK Computer & Karma Police single. Fila Brazillia Club Remix found on 12" single.

"It was a band catchphrase for a while on tour - whenever someone was behaving in a particularly shitty way, we'd say, 'The karma police will catch up with him sooner or later,'" says Jonny. "It's not a revenge thing, just about being happy with your own behaviour." Thom laughs, "This is a song against bosses, fuck middle management!" "Karma Police" was debuted back in 1996 durning the Alanis Morissette tour. Thom sang the line "This is what you'll get" an octave higher than he does on the album, with brillant results. Ed was the one who originally suggested they do a song based on the catch-phrase.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

in case of fog

we remember fog
our mouths
have tasted cold

distant logs
of non-lived
yet adored

un-wind-up will be
all together

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Thursday, November 09, 2006

dos en uno

'Everything can change at any moment, suddenly and forever....'
Paul Auster, another preferred author of mine once wrote...
and who do I think I am to capture your attention?
or your thoughts? or your shared words?

nights like tonight
the fog blurs the hope
i alone
you and the distance
the depth of your heart
i can't dare to say that i know
your real deep obsession
you keep for yourself alone
you are there and
you are not here not anymore

an open door and the choices made

in nights like tonight
i go back to primary care of all times:
música! you know?
and tom waits and the blues are on!
and forget about it all
i wish you lie to me baby
saying i am the only one
when i know i am not...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

her voice, her eyes

nico & the velvet underground
a gem of a video!
she's hypnotizing
and then you see/hear lou in the back
guitar in hand

Here she comes, you better watch your step
Shes going to break your heart in two, its true
Its not hard to realize
Just look into her false colored eyes
She builds you up to just put you down, what a clown

cause everybody knows (shes a femme fatale)
The things she does to please (shes a femme fatale)
Shes just a little tease (shes a femme fatale)
See the way she walks
Hear the way she talks

Youre written in her book
Youre number 37, have a look
Shes going to smile to make you frown, what a clown
Little boy, shes from the street
Before you start, youre already beat
Shes gonna play you for a fool, yes its true

cause everybody knows (shes a femme fatale)
The things she does to please (shes a femme fatale)
Shes just a little tease (shes a femme fatale)
See the way she walks
Hear the way she talks

words and a picture

san diego
this sky
thought of my friends,
the few still around
and of you, so far

how can 4.40pm be this silent sun-drenched?
just... like that?
and why inside my room?
deliberating over eyes,
could be so black?
whereas side walks gleaming
intense dark coming back
if it is just 4.40pm
and the sun stand out out there
soiled the soul
mine, inside

never thought that
life nor love
could be like this
nor like that

is not the winter
is not the fall
and this,
is not my life

mission bay, san diego, california

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


do you want to share a book that you really liked?
do you have any extra books that need to get rid off?

bookcross them!

n. the practice of leaving a book in a public place to be picked up and read by others, who then do likewise.
(added to the Concise Oxford English Dictionary in August 2004)

visit this original concept of a massive book club website!

it is very easy to join
and there are books from all over the world! no matter where you live

here i "go hunting" for the san diego area, and...

and let them run free to be read & read & read...

Monday, November 06, 2006

elections! time to vote

tomorrow November 7th, 2006
Californians to vote
a good general election guide here

don't forget to VOTE!

my early draft of Christmas wishes and letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl the whole year
can I have now a new governor now? Please!?!!

Ps. and a new president as soon as possible too!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

la semana a tiempo

the working week
2 minutes earlier
personal accomplishment

little adaptations

sun but cold early sunday
early walk
early day

alone with a thought of you
no sound
not fading?

i walk
following my own feet

cold & sun
land of today
land of yesterday

2 minutes earlier every day
but who cares?

the only thing left
no intellect no beauty will last
but humility, warmth and care
no art involved in the process
nor if self-centered art

an early Sunday thought
for my day
it is Sunday and 7 am!
and I've realized have the rest of my life...
to follow my own feet wherever I want to do or go
and I do nothing at all...
if you wanted to share would be nice
a voice in the distance has been the light of a whole week
but if you don't again... then i think of you
and realize how impossible it is what I dream in the first place

no choices is a big choice
as well
do nothing &
nothing happens (anyway)

and the quote of the day
"Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it."
- Soren Kierkegaard

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

día de muertos

no Halloween in Mexico, gracias a Dios
instead we have Día de Muertos
a whole different tradition...

here a typical ofrenda
the idea is to "offer" to our dead relatives and friends
the food, drinks, and things they used to enjoy while they were alive
the tradition says to put traditional mexican food

like tamales, candied pumpkin, pollo con mole, atole,
fruits from the Fall, and of course tequila, and café
and water all for the long road to the other world...

one very important part of the ofrenda is the pan de muerto
(check the recipe on the link above, and send me some ?)
bread that is baked just around this time of the year
delicious! it is called pan de muerto and if you see
the part of the bread sticking resemble bones...
creepy but delicious, if you have access to a mexican bakery
make sure to buy some, they just bake it around late October and early Novembre

of course if the dead guy used to smoke, well a pack of his/hers cigarettes
as well as chocolates and toys or other little belongings

usually the family who puts the ofrenda also traces a road of flower petals
from the door of the house to the place where the ofrenda is placed
the flowers to use to make this petals road are called Zenpasuchitl
yellow flowers traditional used these days

a wonderful, colorful and dark celebration of life, somehow
a tradition that speaks a lot of this magical mexican way of seeing life...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

happy halloween

the witch day!
I ate many candies already waiting for the trick-or-treaters
that have not arrived yet!
mmm? sugar crush tonight

here my ultimate American Halloween celebration
my favorite Threehouse of Horror episode
the one with the clones of Homer
the only thing better than Homer Simpson
is many Homers Simpson
Send in the Clones! and Happy Halloween

Monday, October 30, 2006

de luz

arquitectura, edificios y sombras
todo el espacio, cada mañana
y todo el día... como si fuera
la vida
mesa college library, san diego, california
may 19, 2005

the line of beauty

Mondays are strangely productive days
or at least so feels like it
perhaps because the lack of activities during the weekend?

Anyhow, this busy Monday brought some sense of closure
i finished a rapid but important project at work
left on my hands just Friday night

and most importantly…

I finished the Line of Beauty [link to an extract of the book] tonight!
500 and one pages
and worth reading each and single one!
It was a long road, it took me any months
and a couple of books and short stories in between
but tonight (and miss d Ii know you'd be glad!) I read the
last 40 pages on a seat and holding a deep sigh

a superbly written book!
And after all I did get involved with the story
and very fond of Nick Guest, the gay hero of the 80's London
dancing with the "Lady" and snorting cocaine...

I am glad it is over though
it is magnificently written and beholds some of the most beautiful English sentences I have read without being overpowering at all
I guess that is one of the charms of this book, that the structure, the words, the scenes the come and develop naturally, not in over-done literature, words aren't pretentious, they are just perfect after each other... yet, it is long! And the plot could seem flat if your perception is not used to explore characters in literature, it could seem awfully long and awfully slow if not trained in the love of reading but one long but delicious book

501 pages and the line of beauty mister Alan Hollinghurst, for me has drawn, thank you!

and I just found out that in Britain they are making the TV series of it! wow!

@ miss d: i have finished it! :)

@ thilo: i didn't skip to the last page after all... i read one by one ;)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

obey: red shopping cart street ways

north park - san diego, california

down or up?

is life coming down?
or it is going up?
depends how you see it...
quite there quite not...

again, just 3 years after Cedar Fire
that is considered the second largest wild fire in USA
in Riverside, San Diego, and San Bernardino counties

another Southern California Fire
helped by the Santa Ana conditions
is again happening

that red wind that keeps us under fire

you can feel it! the blue sky covered by grey smoke
sore throats, itchy eyes
and seeing the woods burn

---- from Wiki
Santa Ana winds on popular culture

  • The Santa Ana winds are referenced in the Raymond Chandler short story "Red Wind," in which the author describes the winds as such: "[T]hose hot dry [winds] that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks. Anything can happen." Appropriately, this Chandler passage is read by Chris Stevens (John Corbett) at the beginning of the episode "Ill Wind" of the TV series Northern Exposure. This passage is also quoted by Ed Asner in his role as Lou Grant in "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" as an example of how to write prose.
  • Bad Religion mentions the winds, using their nickname "murder winds," in the song "Los Angeles Is Burning" from the album Empire Strikes First. "When the hills of Los Angeles are burning/ Palm trees are candles in the murder winds/ So many lives are on the breeze/ Even the stars are ill at ease/ And Los Angeles is burning."
  • There is also a band named The Santa Ana Winds Youth Band.
  • There is a reference made to the winds in the Steely Dan song, "Babylon Sisters"
  • The Beach Boys song "Santa Ana Winds" appears on their 1980 album Keepin' the Summer Alive.
  • The song LA Woman by the Doors references taking a look around "see which way the wind blows" and contains imagery in which the city's "hair is burnin’ hills are filled with fire."
  • The song Summer Rain by Belinda Carlisle has the lyrics "I remember the rain on our skin. And his kisses hotter than the Santa Ana Winds."
  • The Santa Ana winds are important to the plot of the book White Oleander by Janet Fitch.
  • The song "Catch My Disease" by Ben Lee has the lyrics "She told me about the winds from Santa Ana/And thats the way I like it."
  • The Winds were featured prominently in the October 22, 2006 episode of the ABC series "Brothers & Sisters."
  • The Santa Ana Winds are referred to in the song "I love L.A" by Randy Newmann Lyrics: " And the Santa Ana Winds blowing hot from the north"

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


as I arrived today from work (late)
I found my printed copy of WIRED magazine

I read on one sit this article
Battle of the New Atheism
on the always controversial theme of the existence of God
the article is brightly written by Gary Wolf
and exposes the ideas of, and as a starting point,
the newest hyper-rationalizers as Richard Dawkins
who has just published his book The God Delusion
(and who by the way, needs 'badly' a new web-site design, if you checked his site above, linked to his name, you'd know...)

the article is rather interesting!
it might start with the new atheists but it goes gradually through diverse religions and non-religious groups to capture points of view...

interesting to find this sort of articles on WIRED magazine

cruz de lejos y una mosca por accidente
sombras también...

Ps. and probably worth to mention that I am not an atheist... more on the agnostic side, in any case, raised 'hardcore' catholic but not professing formaly (sinner, you might read heh heh)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

before the music dies

great trailer from a movie I can't wait to be able to watch
before the music dies
you can watch different versions of trailers on their myspace site

Friday, October 20, 2006

"Les Triplettes de Belleville"

the movie is a unique french cartoon animation
and although this intro with the song of the movie
has a very different style from the movie,
it is a classic itself
the Triplets appear in it and some controversial celebrities from the 20's & 30's
per [link]
see if you recognize anybody
worth watching both, the movie and this little intro below

did you see Mr. F.A.? eaten by his own shoes? hilarious!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

jasper fforde & line of beauty on hold

I can't finish the book the Line of Beauty
(not even the last page ;) heh heh)
officially on hold...

but decided to start The Well of Lost Plots
by Jasper Fforde
literature that is the most fun!

I have read the first 2 of the series
The Eyre Affair
Lost in a Good Book

Fiction about books and more fiction and literature
in few words: characters from different books travel among books and exchange characters, being the central character agent Thursday Next, who has a Dodo bird (Pickwick) for pet

trippy fun books!

no work

before 9am
i called sick
to my office
i've been saving my vacation time
for next spring
but i just can't make it today
my belly hurts
and i am just exhausted

what sucks about my office
is that the first day you call in-sick
has to be taken from your vacation time
the second sick day is taken from your sick time

so you can't use your sick time
unless you take one day out of vacation
so here goes one day less of vacation
but one day more of longer use of my bed
and my TV and books

back to watch the inside of my eyelids and rest

have a good day, rest of the world
i turn my back today and zzz instead

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

driving forward, dreaming backwards

driving forward
dreaming backwards
watching through rearview mirrors
an instance of time

there are moments in life
when you are completely alone
mind & body-wise
no friends
no love
no family

not in the distance
not in the mind

alone with yourself
the creative process starts…
& now, you know who you really are

i was just startled by the visual outcome
that your persona brings out!

i was always a lonely child
solitude of a woman
a split second
and here i am, 37 years later
the same nucleus notion of when i was 11 or 12
and somehow i am not surprised

one never really changes
a blessing?
a nuisance?
if you like who you are

i don’t like myself much
but i am glad i am
as in existence
here, in the experiment of life
for better for worse
just hope it doesn’t
in my face
explodes! ha

at you, i smile
and ask
where you a shy or loud child?
did you get good grades? or bad ones?
did your parents have to scold you?
or you did all your homework alright!?
one day i hope to tell me
with a smile

blank blank blank
type type type
got fill out all the blank spaces out

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

new guinea singing dog

I saw this lovely wild dog on the TV morning news
couldn't resist to tape it!
oh but sadly after uploading to youtube
I realized that the sound is desynchronized!
if you still want to watch, please click play, the pooch is extremely cute!

more on this breed
according to
New Guinea Singing Dog Conservation Society

"The NGSD has several unique vocalizations. The howl they are named for is similar to a wolf howl with overtones of whale song.When in a group, one animal starts and then others join on different pitches, each with its own unique voice. Some NGSD vocalizations resemble birdcalls. They also whine, yelp, bark ( a short "woof" like that of a wolf) and scream ( a drawn-out yelp)." -NGSDCS

some of their vocalizations on a link to a .wav file

flash victim

your flash creations could turn against you!
cool flash movie forwarded by a friend
click on PLAY to start

Monday, October 16, 2006


a while ago
i found these catalog of paintings on
rather interesting drawings
specially the themes
that include penguins, ufo's, zombies, women flashing (as showing their breasts), mermaids, and other nudes...

when i visited the website posted there
i realized is the work of a different painter and his wife

just showcasing what i have found
i thought of the zombies tonight
here Zombie dislikes Mermaid
they are funny and rather strange

Saturday, October 14, 2006

a joyous note

thankful for
one man's invention ...
and for a dearest friend disposition & time
today was touched before my noon with magic
the distances seemed shorter
and my dreams tasted more real

still smiling...
and Thilo!
here are your friends
so you don't miss them
(I didn't include them in this morning's foto 'cause they are almost dry by now...)
but here they are from the days when they were full blooming!
the first Thilo Sonnenblume...

and the next 2 smaller ones...

the last one to bloom was a little lazy and first just opened 1/2 of the petals, the next day was complete...

sun & rain, early san diego

san diego 9.30 this morning
it is a little sunny
but it is also raining

i like it when that unusual combo happens

Friday, October 13, 2006


after a long week
what's left for me is time of guilty pleasure
some mindless tv
with one of the few tv shows i enjoy

maybe because watching an obsessive compulsive detective
makes me feel a little more normal
and it's a funny show

Thursday, October 12, 2006

yes, panic attack and pizza

and a beer (new castle so it was good while it lasted)
and frustration
and i feel like a quirky old woman
and i am one!
and neurotic!
and every day seems harder
to socialize with live people
or with people

and people think i am nice
and i am simple
and i just wish many days
many nights
that i could disappear from my own existence

i had 2 cats once
but i changed countries
i had a dog once but she died

i had 2 beta fishes, same luck
now i am allergic to most pets
and to most company
as tonight has been felt

i just can't stop thinking of that
conversation with alex & lisa...

if humans (me included) could be less self-centered
and more educated, not educated as much as in "knowledge"
but in the kind of knowledge that teachs you how to be respectul
and tolerant, that kind of education

so as i resumed on the drunk conversation
the biggest problems of humanity:
ignorance and too much self-importance

some nights like tonight
i wish i could live alone in the woods
no escaping

stressed? no!
just freaking pure human crazy frustration
a diary of a miss-communication
or too much writing?
i wish i could get rid of this feeling
not sure where it came from...

Myself not that tonight well and it is always better when the only ones speaking are the buildings

and yes guess order word altering message
sorry if it is bad written
mechanical and in a hurry and:
the head state
bit or much of anxiety

the work, not done
i can't concentrate at work
for personal reason, for time accessibility
then i come home and think of work
what's due in soon
and the damn catalog

then the possibilities
and the ideas & my life and messages
and my own self always so unfinished
and not a symphony, precisly

i have always had trouble with time'

there is never enough of it
i am too slow
in some stuff
too fast in some other
times comes fast times goes slow
the opposite

gotta walk now thursday 7.30pm
to a close restaurant
to meet the recently 'fired' from work co-worker

i guess the expectation of the meeting
talking work and unemployment
dark old days reminders
of my own self-injustice (to self)
helps with this mood
stress ful
and of course the distance...

the "not-sure if we are talking about the same" sensation

just hope and enough of speculation
i miss you and that's just fucking frustration
oh so well for the blog swearing
a relief of stress -comes like a 'modern' declamation

blank stares
walk back -relief yet colder

i have never been good at guessing situations
or neither to portray instances too complicated

i guess because age and language personal have-to-if-live-here-want-to transformation
has thought me boldness that comes as...
another declamation?

i better walk now

as usual i am late
i have calculated
in 2001 i was 4hrs late general/average in my life

today comes to around 1.5 hrs late
tonight i will just be late to see susan, 15 minutes?
the life of a flake... progressing

tonight sounds like i might have a
panik attack]
and then
some pizza...
haven't been such a typical thursday in san diego
since 2003...

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

¿y para qué?

la pregunta que ha inspirado
a la vez que decepcionado...
tanto a filósofos como a científicos
pero que al parecer,
nunca se pregunta entre amantes

de la naturaleza de la vida
y sus human-made divisiones

noche letárgica
y esta sensación
que no es fresca
pero tampoco obscena

last october: hardwood and asthma

the cracks in the sound of the wood of this floor
my feet have posed
them sounded
a step
a step, then alive

(more than my breathing)
has not been
(out of sadness)
that loud

they crack at the heat
cracked out of cold

not dead yet
not a requisite

still alive

as I wish
it was
the tempest
in my hum
this night

Monday, October 09, 2006


kraftwerk as September of 1975
the earlier stages of their machine music
autobahn (for those restless German drivers)
watch this great and very informative cool little video

I have been a Kraftwerk fan for over 10 years since the early 90's
so it was a full-filled dream to see them at the Hollywood Bowl last year
they were a neat piece of machinery music
the graphics, videos and visual experiments they projected on giant screens
were stunning, it was all visual perfection
songs like Tour de France and Numbers were unforgettable pieces of performance
not to mention Robots, (i highly recommend this link) that where 4 robots replaceing the members of the band
And as the band recall themselves: "Sometimes after the concerts people come backstage more to see the 4 robots than ourselves..."

here as I saw them in 2005 at the Hollywood Bowl in L.A.
as you can see, they did dropped the keyboards and created a new genre
they are the Godfathers of Electronic music, indeed
let's see if you resist to dance to their
Perception Mechanic...

I think my favorite Kraftwerk song is Spacelab from The Man Machine

a shame!

blogger is blocked at work!!!

after playing for a while with our web-sense
and going from disappointment to surprises
the set of which pages are restricted at my desk
it seems to be define by now...

23 is Gracias-a-Dios accessible, actually it is the site I would miss the most if restricted
I go there now & then just to take refugee from the other uglier digital world

my web-mails are open and working
and strangely but happily the foreigner blogs that doesn't belong to blogger
are open (smile)

Saturday, October 07, 2006


it was a bit after 5pm today
i was in the verge of napping
sun over my head
when that distinct feeling of being observed
wake me up

listened to the humming of a bird...
there was a Kolibri right on top of my head
very close
staring at me

i couldn't fall asleep anymore
but felt in agreeable company since then
as when you have received the visit of a dear friend

Friday, October 06, 2006

the future of the future...

will still contain the past
time goes slow and time goes fast

great song by deep dish and everything but the girl
and a strange highly-kissing video

it is the weekend! and there is a full moon

Thursday, October 05, 2006


lovely clay animation for young kids made in Switzerland
i used to watch these Pingu Episodes in Mexican TV, in Canal 11
the only decent TV channel in Mexico City

This is a nice episode: Pingu builds an Igloo
Althought it is missing Pingu's best friend Robbie the seal
I still enjoy them, even if I have been out of preschool for a while now

One thing that made these clay-cartoons so popular was the fact that they don't speak any specific language, but they communicate on "Penguinese"...


a great tool online for designers, photoshop users
or color-lovers in general...

visit the link and play a bit with the RGB bars
and see how a matching colour palette is created
you can export your palettes to Photoshop, Illustrator
and find PANTONE matches
or e-mail yourself the colors selected
pretty cool!

go padres go!

I am not a huge Baseball fan
but it is always nice to know the San Diego Padres are on the Playoff!
and it is contagious to see a lot of San Diegans wearing Padres T-shirts
they lost the first round against the St. Louis Cardinals
but hopefully on the second round (about to start now...)
the Sun Diego sunshine will shine for the Padres! GO Padres GO!

Monday, October 02, 2006


thanks to popefucker
who has an amazing collection of videos

here what i needed! and hope that
you, like me, start dancing shoe-less, ok, barefoot
on your living room...

or at least drum the fingers on your desk
c'mon & smile is
the beatles!!! they are here to rescue dull Monday nights

now sing along too...

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

ah nice!

and so September is gone...

Arrive Monday morning at the office
To print October’s calendar of office-events

A mellow Sunday yet social enough

Walked early on lovely Normal Heights to 35th street
To have breakfast with Tina and Tony
Matthew & Jeff (visiting from Albuquerque,
a recent new father with a lovely 6 months old)
joined the fest

Walked back home
Couple of hours later, visitors came back to my house
To walk literally around the corner
Where you can find cozy The Ould Sod
Finest Guinness and Stella, other drafts
In San Diego
In the mood of a very small calm bar
Where SCRABBLE tournaments happen
would be a good practice for my sometimes broken-English
And the maximum capacity runs to 99
But present we were on a 2pm Sunday sunny
Afternoon, just 10
Then –what never happens to me
Took a long day nap!
Followed by Alex & Lisa visit with lemonade
The Guinness had left some strong after taste
thanks Lisa for coming!

Then dinner by myself and groceries shopping
In an indulgent phase
Flowers for my house and coffee to be back to work today

I missed your words!
But not your images
(I am glad i have some...)

Monday at the office back and again

October on the calendar hangs after printed
Now and for another 31 days…

Life around gets, still miss... ah! you

Recommended/remembered book of the day
I read it I think last year, for a lighter reading
with a superb dark mood
The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul
Douglas Adams, si señor!
I will have to confess that Odin's character left me some of his pickiness about the state of sheets, a fresh-made high linen class sheets, aaah! i want to take a nap now, but I have to work instead, oh! life...

Saturday, September 30, 2006

dead man

perhaps my favorite movie of all times

dead man
('acid western')
director: jim jarmusch (a prolific director, i like almost every single one of his movies)
sountrack: legendary neil young (check out this link! his blog is a bit busy but highly interesting/informative)
some words stolen from: william blake
a superb cast (gary farmer as nobody does an excellent job)
a black & white film

one instrospective travel on darkness and beauty
a must-watch film!

If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
-William Blake

mies van der rohe

'God is in the details'

-Mies van der Rohe

Friday, September 29, 2006

the pink panther

la pantera rosa
probably my favorite cartoon when i was a kid
i didn't miss it every day after school
here one of my favorite episodes
Information Updated thanks to Ground Control
Episode: 'We Give Pink Stamps'

angry kid

an early Aardman!
Angry Kid Season 1 - Bone
note: do not watch close to dinner time
just the right amount of 'disturbing'

Thursday, September 28, 2006

the virgin suicides

whimsical neat movie
lovely & sad
that i count among my little collection of old VHS tapes
Sofia Coppola debut as a director
great soundtrack by AIR
yes! the same old french band we so much like

i couldn't decide what to include if
1. one of my favorite scenes from the movie (the record playing on the phone, ah!) or...
2. the lovely theme song of the movie by air

so here are both
with a recomendation of watch this movie
it is moody & dark but full of magical moments

sonic youth (again)

a fantastic show last night
it was actually my 3rd time seeing Sonic Youth live
but for far, the best

I am still amazed that they played songs from
Confusion is Sex, their first official album released in 1983
a chemical reaction in my brain when Thurston started to sing
Push it away
the world looks red
people with fish eyes
the ground sucks

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

sonic youth sonic truth

just a couple of hours to see sonic youth
now i am getting excited
one of my favorite bands of all times!

now, i know tonight's gig won't be like this video from
Poitier, France in 1983
it will be mellower, softer
they are a 25 year-old band after all
yet Rather Ripped, their 20th album is such a great one

then for dinner tonight: live in Sun Diego Sonic Youth
and i wish my friend Jaime would be here since he's one great fan
but he's on his way to Mexico City to meet his girlfriend, I wish him good luck

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

another day

nights days days nights days nights days days and nights
roll down from the upper heavens
mechanical expectation
long hope, lengthy anticipation

softly holding each day
till next spring
as (with a bit of luck) will bloom in
and in an inspirational verve
of new finer sensations

Monday, September 25, 2006

the autumn falls with Abraxas

I was 14 years old when I first read this name: Abraxas
And I am not sure why it has been appearing in my head for the past couple of days, randomly, maybe it is just a semantic game that my brain is playing with me

Yes, it was on Herr Hermann Hesse’s book Demian [link in English] that I read it

and yes 14 years old when I read Demian, and after reading that book I was never again the same adolescent, those images of Emil Sinclair, his friend Demian, his mother Frau Eva, and the bird giving birth to a new world, and other ideas did change me, and profoundly

Changes as the year changes you with its mutating seasons
the Autumn here, with a first leaf a couple of days ago gently falling
on the street cement

back on Hesse, then I was around 24 or 26 years old when I took a long vacation in Autlán, my grandmother’s and mother’s hometown in Mexico… Esperanza (my grandmother) handed me a copy of “El Lobo Estepario" Der Steppenwolf, this book gave me so many bloody nightmares! And I don’t mean “bloody” as in a British insult, but literally bloody, as in dreaming every night rivers of blood during the week I was reading it… I don’t remember this book being particularly ‘violent’ at all, but I do remember it getting into your subconscious and making it ‘tickle’… I also remember very well the one specific blood dream during the reading:

There was this big parking lot in a city, there were just a few cars parked, leaving almost all the spaces empty, it was dark at night and then a sea of blood with big waves of blood inundated the parking lot, big waves of blood, very ala Stanley Kubrick’s The Shinning elevator scene

I guess Herr Hesse’s words did take me to the Magic Theatre with protagonist Harry

I have read before and after other works by him… when I was 19 or 20 I read "Narciso y Goldmundo" [Narziss und Goldmund], a beautiful book on growing and many others of his tales like Baden, Baden and of course I have read his famous Siddhartha… a great writer that I haven’t read in many years but whose shadow is in my life as it seems, permanently

Worth mentioning that almost all the Herman Hesse books I have read have been in Spanish

Maybe after this little blog acknowledgment/tribute to Abraxas, his name will stop flying inside my head. I have my theories maybe I think of this name because I think more of Germany these days, and I relate Hermann Hesse with Germany, who knows how my silly brain really works? Not me for sure, but it is just curious that I think of this name, and not Demian, or Emil, or Eva, or not another character of the book that I am actually reading (still on A Line of Beauty The story of Nick Guest, a handsome young gay man and Oxford graduate, who is actually a guest of a rich family and with high politic hierarchy in London, it is the 80’s, when AIDS was unleashing, there are tons of Margaret Thatcher as "the Lady", and cocaine snoring stories & references, and also some of the most beautiful sentences that I have read in English literature lately, the book by respected Alan Hollinghurst)

oh well, a strange head & thoughts, and a slightly skewed perception of life
I sometimes carry over my shoulders, and no, I am not crazy...
well a maybe a little… but nothing too serious ;)

björk... for a dear friend on his birthday

this little clip of Björk's beauty with a Clavichord
for a dear friend who is Björk's enthusiast on his birthday

Sunday, September 24, 2006