Friday, December 22, 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

you are so far: señor sol

winter solstice day

your warmth doesn't reach us
the distance makes my days shorter
and this long night, colder

oh sol! estas tan lejos...

Thu., Dec. 21, 2006
marks the solstice—the beginning of winter in the Northern Hemispher
and summer in the Southern Hemisphere

italian made: panettone

this is my favorite italian 'Boun Natale' bread
Mexico gave Christmas a beautiful look
with 'La Flor de Noche Buena'
and Italy gave it a wonderful taste
with the Panettone (recipe linked)
I usually stock up on Panettone at Trader Joe's
my favorite grocery store!
got some German Schloss Biebrich wine while there too
recommended as well

Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
thanks to A & L for coming around and eating with me

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


i found these photographs of myself from 2001!
when obviously i had not much to do
but to take pictures of myself
with my new spiritualized t-shirt *yawn*
yet, i am glad i've found them!
a reminder of
& yeah! spiritualized!!!!
another superb band

because they rock!
& i still proudly wear their t-shirt
a present that perro got me back in london
at one of their shows in 2001

i have seen spiritualized 3 times live
once in a small record store in San Diego
& the t-shirt, somehow still fits, i am just not as vain anymore

and please don't miss this video
make yourself a musical favor because
it is an orgasmic performance!
an spiritualized one
stay on queu till the finale, and...
come together... oh! yes!

sunny but freezing!

San Diego weather these days
here from the morning local TV news
the highlight: the weather man
"we didn't bargain for this, we moved to Southern California"

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Monday, December 18, 2006

i don't think so

I have read Conan Doyle
I have read a lot of Lovecraft's
Sherlock Holmes Vs. Cthulhu?
it just doesn't sound right
noooo, I don't think so...


i woke up this monday morning
to discover 2 new gray hairs close to my forehead
they are small and newborns, really short still
i was about to pull them out but...
i realized i was actually kind of proud of them...
of my aging
so i smiled & left them there
they are obvious since the rest of my hair is very dark
(oh i have a couple more already but among the rest of hair,
you can't really see them all the time)

i wonder how i will look when i am a 60 year old lady? or 70?
if i make it that far, i hope i can still smile
and hold a wrinkled hand besides me
and wear all my white hair proudly
yeah! one day i will be a very old woman
(hopefully) and i will smile at the adventures of
the new 2 gray hairs of when i was 37

Friday, December 15, 2006

san diego rains

stop, a red-light
hazy 6.36pm ski
a green-light wait over wait
horizontal and sad southern-california
one-storied dusky bar to the left, wide, plane

all is flat here today
warning of the strongest storm of the year
for this weekend

to the right: the same blue structure of yesterday
but one day older, today
wide & spread
street of 4 lanes, we just need 2
constant parallelism reigns
middle-centered car look out for

i rest my elbows on the wheel drive
and my face on the palms of my hands
a feeling tastes like dust
climbs slowly up my chest

a brown feeling
mixture of aloofness and pain

treadmill today
walked 3 miles in a trance of obtuse obscurity
the ymca, the second day
following the steps of my own feet
head on the face
not the other way around
not today

Thursday, December 14, 2006

seeing through

i used to send pieces of stnd poetry, to a friend writer that lives in NY, in case he could publish me one day... i found one piece from over a year ago, it is not fiction. if you see closer at the picture (usually the series of stnd poetry come w/a picture) you can see some veins; and behind the camera, the bones did show, as well... oh hell!
last night got amazed by the transparency of my flesh
my ten fingers’ own tissue, cartilages, capillaries,
little tubes the veins
even the sturdy bones were translucent!

i was reading this japanese abe
with a light over my head
the little lamp’s so intense
with that sort of beam that burns
the some-hair left on your tired head
sometimes too warm for the summer
over-heats your brain
anyway, all was ok

but then i extended my arm on top of my head
in a stretching tired sign of my agedness
the light behind my fingers’ flesh
revealing plenty of veins and transparent lode of myself

last night i saw my fingers’ veins
my internal touchable self

felt the weakness
of this body


made just with a few post-its
a camera
and a neat imagination

Uploaded by sabo-tage

of treadmills and broken hearts

The life inside my head is a mess right now
I feel that I have fallen in love with an impossible idea/man

When is correct to set limits to your own dreams?
Shall I give up on this distant dream?
every 5 minutes I think of it
I don’t want to kill a love that just starts to flourish
But sometimes I feel like I am the only side interested
Every day I try to come out with ideas and movies
And things to call your attention
But I guess I am boring and my comments are lately,

I just wanted to have fun!
to follow a flow of comments
back & forth and share ideas
but I am not part of that game
not sure if it's the language or the hours, or that I am just...
boring, and a bit dark
but I am the loner commenter, no flow or follow up
no exchange of ideas
very nice words and thank you(s) those do come always
but feels like an obligation more than exchange of fun
I am just not very interesting after all

and... if the love & interest is just on my side
That I can’t control
I can’t control if someone feels excited to read my comments or lines or notes
A long time ago and painfully I learnt that in love are involved 2 people
And you can’t control the desires and feelings of another person
(And gladly)

I just crave again some company
(not just from a friend, thank God I have plenty of friends, but...)
Not even the arms anymore I miss but but
But a simple phone call
Oh well…
can you blame a woman for wanting to listen to the voice of the loved one?
For wanting to have a fun chat? or exchange of ideas?
how are you supposed to get to know someone?
for at least 5 minutes per month? oh well...
I don't think I was asking for too much
Loneliness and silence seems to be the reply to my answer
to my Romanticism and love that apparently is too much...

But instead of lamenting more
I did something impulsive tonight!
And healthy impulsive

I finally enrolled the YMCA!
And in spite of this strong head and heart aches
And went there for the first time tonight!
sadly my head still hurts

I have never used a treadmill before!
Yes I am an old-fashioned woman
I rather walk the streets but… not tonight
I was a sort of a funny sensation, that treadmill…
And after a fast walk combined with jogging of 45 minutes
I felt a little dizzy when I came down the machine
The way you feel after taking a long flight on a plane
Or have been riding on a train for hours

And here this little video so old and disco and silly
to celebrate my joining to the YMCA
And to the gay people too heh heh
such a gay and slightly 'ridicule' song
but fuck it!!! nobody seems to be reading this blog lately anyway
so I can write or post as silly things as I like to...
That I might join soon the gay people?, since my luck with men is so bad!!!
I might just date a girl now!!! or a guy from the Village People, ha! Just kidding…
the indian chief is kind of cute, but I bet he hasn't wash the feathers of his indian hat in years! and they are all so gay, that I don't think they'll find me a bit attractive
I will just play with the dizzy treadmill
I might loose some depression and weight on the process
and tomorrow is my office Christmas party and I don't really want to be there
but I have to... faking smiles that I don't feel right now
maybe some co-workers and alcohol will make me forget that
I actually have a soul and heart that feel broken...

Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...

Young man, are you listening to me?
I said, young man, what do you want to be?
I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!

No man does it all by himself.
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.
I'm sure they can help you today.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

la flor de noche buena

La flor de Noche Buena
a mexican tradition for the Christmas time

A time quest

our lives are so beautifully fragile
some days I feel like am just a leaf hovering along thin air
it is a mysterious awareness, this freedom
fearful might be sometimes
but blissful while comprehending
you are alive

Life could just end like that
Life could just smile at you easily
Out of a miracle
Full of love and surprise

Life is a time quest

Who told me this?
"You are what you do with your time in your life"

Write, write, write? You are writer
(no matter they haven’t publish you yet)
click, click, click? A photographer
(no matter if your photos are that good or not)
think, think, think? A thinker
(hopefully a righteous one)
smile, smile, smile? then you are fine…
or crazy, but that works, anyhow

And today I spent some of my time
Reading this interesting & engaging non-fiction book
So far page 299 and I can’t wait to finish it
Thanks again miss d for the recommendation!
And Erik Larson for writing it

The stories of the development of 1893’s Chicago’s World Fair and an American serial killer Holmes are tangled in this engaging and compelling story of the horrors and delights of human nature… and it all happened, not even that long ago (about 113 years), if you think globally, they were all our human fellows in Chicago, not that far either, the same planet & species… read the story, you won’t regret it The Devil in the White City

my blurry dinner

Monday, December 11, 2006

eggnog day

i will call this day the eggnog day
because thanks to the home-made eggnog with rum
courtesy of my neighbors, today i did absolutely nothing!
but to drink the eggnog
and to start this new knitting project ...
i wish every year ending will bring days like this more often

Friday, December 08, 2006


& again
2006's last days
unbelievable ...

& i got one of these
and apart from the tea
i've been making espressos
&... cappucinnos
(with a blender's help to foam the milk)

a done job

now line up to take it easy
catalog`s over & it's friday!
to work & then... the weekend

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


i haven't knitt in at least 15 years
but this weekend, out of the blue,
i started again!
i found some yarn in a box and the needles
and just started making this scarf above
i started this on saturday and it might be done tonight
i was surprised that i still remember well enough

for a year i knitted a lot, i made a couple of sweaters,
2 dog's sweaters, and many many (many) scarves, those are easy & fast
some gloves, but those with no fingers, just one big bag for the 4 fingers
and a couple of socks, those were popular too
not sure why i enjoyed it... maybe the weaver in me?
it is a very mechanical yet relaxing activity, perfect while watching movies on the television

image: to decompress from computer-time at work, more computer at home, miss the colors at work...

when happiness seems glandular

Today was one of those days
With a fine assorted display of many emotions
Almost all of them at once

At work
We are in the middle of a tight deadline
Late working hours & stress is the dish of the day
But today… in the middle of the rush
One of the nicest co-workers I have
and a rather interesting woman
Just faint
In the middle of a hallway
Just like that…

The paramedics came
Even the firemen
And they took her amidst display of medical apparatus
And men in blue & white

She’s fine now
Yet… the episode was one of those
That make you put on perspective
Your own path of life

That is
My little life
Is a pretty plain and uncomplicated one
I have some health issues, but nothing major
I have no real economic issues, although I am broke
At least I don’t have a debt to pay off
And my family is OK over all

I am a lonely person, even if a social one
But when I was a child I spent many hours by myself and still do
I don’t know much about living with anybody around
and I don't know nothing about living with a man either
I just lived once with a boyfriend for 7 months a long ago
and was hell, but he was the problem... I know that! heh heh
And I had a roommate but that’s different
My dad lived with my mom and myself just until I was 7 years old
So men world is a mystery to me
those things the use to shave and their houses full of men stuff
I have mostly lived surrounded by women all my life
and everything that comes with them
maybe to grow up surrounded by women made this highly emotional being that I am
maybe all this romanticism comes from my world with many women and not any practical men around

And yeah maybe I just miss sometimes a couple of strong arms
And a charming and protective smile of a nice man besides me
Some support and nice gentle caress while saying to my ear: All will be OK
But I have some hope of that, not now, for the next spring
that is If things go all well & OK from now to then
and if after the meeting the magic is still on, I really hope so...

So I am fine after all
Yet today…
The presence of death so close makes one recall
The little things that might be important in life
That, the first one
Life itself

And I wonder if I haven’t been selfish with myself lately
as all my friends say, not giving myself a chance
I don’t go out much lately or enjoy myself as I did in the old days
All, again, in my life seems fine
yet a routine feels is settling down around me
I work work work
then I e-mail e-mail e-mail
later i eat eat eat and
take photos photos photos
chat chat chat
sleep sleep sleep
just and all over again, week after week
and yes, it feels like something is missing
Not sure what… maybe it is because your strong arms are so afar?
Not sure

But sadly, happiness still seem pretty glandular to be able to get a hold of
The natural chemicals in my brain come and go
Natural seratonin from my own brain is what I crave for
Maybe exercise will bring it back
Who knows?

I just don’t want to one day to die suddenly and
With regrets of what I could have done
And didn’t do
Like spending all this time alone
Writing in a computer when I could probably be talking to a real human across a table now, interesting, because I never before thought of that, but I have no intentions to just go out and do that, not right now, next spring I will, but the table I have choosen to talk is damn pretty far!
That’s why I try to feed at least once a day, and that gives me some joy
but the real touch, a nice strong hug, pretty far from getting now
and that makes me a little sad tonight
makes feel lonely which I usually don't feel since I enjoy solitude
I guess not tonight.. but
This little hope that has grown stronger and hopefully will be nicely feed back

Yep, still, happiness seems pretty glandular
And even if content, I cannot say I am screaming of happiness
Not today, and maybe not in a while

To be in love again
To smile and laugh with the loved one
Hasn’t happened to me in years
Maybe 2007… maybe in the spring… huh?

tonight will be another strange night
thinking of the co-worker and the fragility of life
a thread that might be broken
such a delicate matter is being alive!

but good night and good wishes of health for all my friends
To accomplish whatever you look for in your life
you need to be healthy and alive
Don’t forget then, to breath tonight

In the meantime I do silly
The silliest projects like this blog
And I record silly things from TV
Like this soccer narration of a guy that is as lazy as I am every morning
Heh heh
Here the 1st part
I recorded in 3 parts so I include the links for part 2 and 3

So while we find love, friendship, and a real sense of achievement, happiness…
Or at least the perfect drug to make forget those values exist (heh heh)
Let’s laugh with the silly movie…

if you want to watch part 2 and 3 please click on links below
part 2

part 3

Sunday, December 03, 2006

sunday silent movie night

they show a silent movie
a sunday night tradition

here from december 3rd
x-mas' here!
the credits
from Down to the Sea in Ships (1923)

Friday, December 01, 2006

Execucisor - happy birthday Woody Allen

today December 1st is
Woody Allen's birthday
I love his quirky sense of humor!
from his classic Bananas
here the Execucisor scene

red-headed woman

Red-Headed Woman is re-running on Turner Classic Movies
this coming Monday, December 4, 06 at midnight
(meaning Tuesday 5, at the beginning of the day)
here a movie with old comment I made from the TV a while ago
stayed tuned until the end of the movie for a funny conversation

...this is a fragment of one of my favorite old movies Red-Headed Woman from 1932 with lovely Jean Harlow, i like this movie so much that i even died my hair red once, of course didn't have the results of adorable Jean (and thank god 'cause she did get into a lot of trouble) a superb movie from early charming Hollywood showing a whole deal of passion for those days, here its musical theme, the movie is bad quality because it is recorded from the tube but that's why i am able to uploaded here, such bad quality and cropping can't be copyrighted huh?...