i am not sure if it's the American life(style) or
my age, or the always-busy internet era, or what...
but even if i live a pretty calm life:
a regular 8 hours a day of work, practice of yoga,
prepare my meals, chase/take care of the cats,
and i only drive 10 minutes to work
somehow, i live in sort kind of 'rush'
it's not that i am stressed, not at all!
but it is just this strange internal drive
this awareness of time and that there's always...
'something else i could be doing' or
'some book that i am not reading' or
'some show that i am missing'... that
human attempt that feels like needs to be fed
this internal rush, this agony
of wanting to know 'where am i going?'
this strange fear to trap and make
life 'countable' by one's progresses,
by one's achievements...
but this weekend, while reading Paul Bowles'
The Sheltering Sky, i realized that apart from yoga
and its wonderful awareness of not being aware
(which is pretty hard to do...)
the only other activity that makes me shake off this
counting-in-life-what-i-am-doing feeling is... reading!!
reading, NOT online, but reading an old-fashioned
pages-of-paper book... 'cause
even when watching films i am somehow 'aware'
of my existence slipping by...
but when i read, a great book specially, i do get lost
in time... so just like the 3 characters on the opening
pages of The Sheltering Sky, this weekend i felt like
those three Americans seated on a North Africa cafe
who conversed quietly and "...in the manner of people
who have all the time in the world for everything..."
so for 3 days, i forgot about schedules
about achievements, about being or not being
and i cooked light meals, made some café de olla
went to Bread & Cie. but overall, i read, read,
and read... and had the least possible contact
with other humans, which always makes me feel
at ease... human interaction bring the time-counting
back to my life, solitudes, most of the times, makes
me smile and relax...
ingredients for café de olla, coffee (of course!) piloncillo and cinnamon
traditionally café de olla has to be prepared on a clay pot
but i didn't have one (mexican shame on me!) but my own pewter pot
worked very fine too... if you can, do try café de olla, it's delicious!
my order at Bread & Cie., the bread platter
3 sorts of breads (your choice) plus jams, butter, and cream cheese
i got multigrain, fig & anise, and walnut raisin breads
a berries and nuts salad with good Olde Cape Cod
Sweet & Sour Poppy Seed dressing, pretty good!
and i even had the 'time' to spell the short version of my name
with Trader Joe’s Cinnamon Schoolbook Cookies
now that's what i call a lovely waste of time
exactly what i was looking for...