Thursday, December 14, 2006

of treadmills and broken hearts

The life inside my head is a mess right now
I feel that I have fallen in love with an impossible idea/man

When is correct to set limits to your own dreams?
Shall I give up on this distant dream?
every 5 minutes I think of it
and
I don’t want to kill a love that just starts to flourish
But sometimes I feel like I am the only side interested
Every day I try to come out with ideas and movies
And things to call your attention
But I guess I am boring and my comments are lately,
Overlooked

I just wanted to have fun!
to follow a flow of comments
back & forth and share ideas
but I am not part of that game
not sure if it's the language or the hours, or that I am just...
boring, and a bit dark
but I am the loner commenter, no flow or follow up
no exchange of ideas
very nice words and thank you(s) those do come always
but feels like an obligation more than exchange of fun
I am just not very interesting after all

and... if the love & interest is just on my side
That I can’t control
I can’t control if someone feels excited to read my comments or lines or notes
A long time ago and painfully I learnt that in love are involved 2 people
And you can’t control the desires and feelings of another person
(And gladly)

I just crave again some company
(not just from a friend, thank God I have plenty of friends, but...)
Not even the arms anymore I miss but but
But a simple phone call
Oh well…
can you blame a woman for wanting to listen to the voice of the loved one?
For wanting to have a fun chat? or exchange of ideas?
how are you supposed to get to know someone?
for at least 5 minutes per month? oh well...
I don't think I was asking for too much
anyway
Loneliness and silence seems to be the reply to my answer
to my Romanticism and love that apparently is too much...

But instead of lamenting more
I did something impulsive tonight!
And healthy impulsive

I finally enrolled the YMCA!
And in spite of this strong head and heart aches
And went there for the first time tonight!
sadly my head still hurts

I have never used a treadmill before!
Yes I am an old-fashioned woman
I rather walk the streets but… not tonight
I was a sort of a funny sensation, that treadmill…
And after a fast walk combined with jogging of 45 minutes
I felt a little dizzy when I came down the machine
The way you feel after taking a long flight on a plane
Or have been riding on a train for hours

And here this little video so old and disco and silly
to celebrate my joining to the YMCA
And to the gay people too heh heh
such a gay and slightly 'ridicule' song
but fuck it!!! nobody seems to be reading this blog lately anyway
so I can write or post as silly things as I like to...
That I might join soon the gay people?, since my luck with men is so bad!!!
I might just date a girl now!!! or a guy from the Village People, ha! Just kidding…
the indian chief is kind of cute, but I bet he hasn't wash the feathers of his indian hat in years! and they are all so gay, that I don't think they'll find me a bit attractive
I will just play with the dizzy treadmill
I might loose some depression and weight on the process
and tomorrow is my office Christmas party and I don't really want to be there
but I have to... faking smiles that I don't feel right now
maybe some co-workers and alcohol will make me forget that
I actually have a soul and heart that feel broken...



Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...

Young man, are you listening to me?
I said, young man, what do you want to be?
I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!

No man does it all by himself.
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.
I'm sure they can help you today.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a
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