i used to send pieces of stnd poetry, to a friend writer that lives in NY, in case he could publish me one day... i found one piece from over a year ago, it is not fiction. if you see closer at the picture(usually the series of stnd poetry come w/a picture) you can see some veins; and behind the camera, the bones did show, as well... oh hell! --------------------------------------------------------------- last night got amazed by the transparency of my flesh my ten fingers’ own tissue, cartilages, capillaries, little tubes the veins even the sturdy bones were translucent!
i was reading this japanese abe with a light over my head the little lamp’s so intense with that sort of beam that burns the some-hair left on your tired head sometimes too warm for the summer over-heats your brain anyway, all was ok
but then i extended my arm on top of my head in a stretching tired sign of my agedness the light behind my fingers’ flesh revealing plenty of veins and transparent lode of myself
last night i saw my fingers’ veins my internal touchable self
The life inside my head is a mess right now I feel that I have fallen in love with an impossible idea/man
When is correct to set limits to your own dreams? Shall I give up on this distant dream? every 5 minutes I think of it and I don’t want to kill a love that just starts to flourish But sometimes I feel like I am the only side interested Every day I try to come out with ideas and movies And things to call your attention But I guess I am boring and my comments are lately, Overlooked
I just wanted to have fun! to follow a flow of comments back & forth and share ideas but I am not part of that game not sure if it's the language or the hours, or that I am just... boring, and a bit dark but I am the loner commenter, no flow or follow up no exchange of ideas very nice words and thank you(s) those do come always but feels like an obligation more than exchange of fun I am just not very interesting after all
and... if the love & interest is just on my side That I can’t control I can’t control if someone feels excited to read my comments or lines or notes A long time ago and painfully I learnt that in love are involved 2 people And you can’t control the desires and feelings of another person (And gladly)
I just crave again some company (not just from a friend, thank God I have plenty of friends, but...) Not even the arms anymore I miss but but But a simple phone call Oh well… can you blame a woman for wanting to listen to the voice of the loved one? For wanting to have a fun chat? or exchange of ideas? how are you supposed to get to know someone? for at least 5 minutes per month? oh well... I don't think I was asking for too much anyway Loneliness and silence seems to be the reply to my answer to my Romanticism and love that apparently is too much...
But instead of lamenting more I did something impulsive tonight! And healthy impulsive
I finally enrolled the YMCA! And in spite of this strong head and heart aches And went there for the first time tonight! sadly my head still hurts
I have never used a treadmill before! Yes I am an old-fashioned woman I rather walk the streets but… not tonight I was a sort of a funny sensation, that treadmill… And after a fast walk combined with jogging of 45 minutes I felt a little dizzy when I came down the machine The way you feel after taking a long flight on a plane Or have been riding on a train for hours
And here this little video so old and disco and silly to celebrate my joining to the YMCA And to the gay people too heh heh such a gay and slightly 'ridicule' song but fuck it!!! nobody seems to be reading this blog lately anyway so I can write or post as silly things as I like to... That I might join soon the gay people?, since my luck with men is so bad!!! I might just date a girl now!!! or a guy from the Village People, ha! Just kidding… the indian chief is kind of cute, but I bet he hasn't wash the feathers of his indian hat in years! and they are all so gay, that I don't think they'll find me a bit attractive I will just play with the dizzy treadmill I might loose some depression and weight on the process and tomorrow is my office Christmas party and I don't really want to be there but I have to... faking smiles that I don't feel right now maybe some co-workers and alcohol will make me forget that I actually have a soul and heart that feel broken...
Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground. I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town There's no need to be unhappy.
Young man, there's a place you can go. I said, young man, when you're short on your dough. You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a. It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a. It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal, You can do whatever you feel ...
Young man, are you listening to me? I said, young man, what do you want to be? I said, young man, you can make real your dreams. But you got to know this one thing!
No man does it all by himself. I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf, And just go there, to the y.m.c.a. I'm sure they can help you today.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a. It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a
