pictures

Baby my head's full of wishes
Baby my head's full of pictures
Baby my head's full of colors
Baby my head's full of pictures of you

Baby I spend all my money
Baby don't think that it's funny
Baby my head's full of colors
Baby my head's full of pictures of you



a song by Galaxie 500
a picture by me
maybe my head is full of pictures
maybe it is of pictures of you

blindness

tonight is the release of
Blindness, the film
based on this tremendous book by José Saramago

one of the last masterpieces of the 20th century

& i knew i wrote something about the book
a while ago
this mostly bitter, little sweet
old post from august 2006

really!
excited about the film
and very afraid too

so far, i've been reading
sort of bad reviews!
that's a little disappointing and strange
since Fernando Meirelles
is a great director

anyway, i will watch it

zweifellos
no doubt
indudablemente

migraine collie and the infinite sadness

just as my little life
started to take a wonderful shape again
things go wrong now in my head (literally)

i finally have a wonderful man
an adorable boyfriend who loves me endlessly
even if in the other side of the world
i have a wonderful mother
that even if a little crazy and feisty
cares for me every second
my father and half sister and brother
are healthy and in touch with my again
i have a 'non-profitable' job
but that provides enough for my humble life
i have a little white house
very small but enough for me

so all has been perfect
except these (and pardon the adjective)
fucking migraines

i have suffered migraines for many years now
but lately, oh lately
there are sooo strong, and more often
of course has to do a lot with my aging
and maybe with the misuses of my body
(3 tacos for 1 peso in Mexico City subway
used to be my lunch sometimes)
and so many times i have missed sleep
over work and over fun too
yet, for the past couple of years
i have eaten relatively healthy food
i have lived a relatively healthy life-style

the doctor says: hormonal changes, stress
i say: what can i do?
i don't really feel stressed
i don't really have worries or troubles
yet
since apparently the triggers for migraines
can be so many and diverse causes
at least i am trying to rule out foods now
today i was given an "elimination" diet
by my dietitian, a very bland mixture of foods
i will follow this diet for 10 days to 2 weeks
and then i will start adding 1 different ingredient
every day and see the reaction of my body
so i can figure out the causes of these migraines

for a while i have not drank beer (which i miss and love)
i haven't drink red wine either
and every day i enjoy less and less food
so this is becoming a very sad situation

i truly hope this diet helps me identify
what is wrong with my head
so i can go back to eat normally again

here my silly diet


and my very bland dinner, ah sighs...



and some very melancholic words
as i cooked tonight my dinner
an infinite sadness took over me
the sadness of not being able
to eat what i like
the sadness of feeling my brain deteriorate
with every migraine attack
the frustration of a bad health

and the sun sets
and i wish you were here to hug you
and the sun sets
and i just hope to feel happy
to feel Allegro Vivace one again!



i truly hope i can recover from this
horrible malady and if you are reading here
and feel healthy and love
just smile and be thankful
and take care of yourself and the ones you love
'cause health is not something one can buy
nor love, nor care, i have love and care
i am just waiting to recover my health

oh the moody title
from this oldy smashing pumpkins song



and to complete my frustration
i had tickets tonight to go to Los Angeles
to see My Bloody Valentine
one of the noisiest band of all times
i am soooo mad that 'cause of Tuesdays' migraine
i am not there, believe me is not just noise

migraine day

another semi-lost day
couldn't make it to work

migraine.migraine.migraine
{maddening symptoms}

and i say semi-lost
'cause the 2nd half of the day
felt slightly better
still headache and exhaustion
but was able to see

One Wonderful Sunday
post-II World War Kurosawa's film



a day-long relate on the life of two young
and very broke couple in Tokyo
a wonderful early white and white photography
and a lovely pair of young actors
and with the theme of the
Schubert's Unfinished Symphony
i felt like playing the piano again

please delight yourself
1' 30" is when the delight starts



maybe i will go buy myself a piano soon
maybe a used cheap small one
when i used to play piano as a kid
the 2nd piece i ever played 'live' in a recital
when i was 14, i think? was the theme
of this symphony, i guess that's why every time
i hear Schubert, i want to play one day again
serious old-fashioned classic piano
which the only kind of music i ever played
just Mozart, Chopin, and good old deaf Beethoven
the last piece i was studying before
industrial design university took over my life
was the Malageña of Lecuona
a classical for semi-advanced students
i didn't play it as well as this kid
and i still needed the music sheet
but oh well, surely these days i can barely
recognize printed music, but it would be
just so nice to do it again



OK it wasn't such a lost day after all
paranoia and worries come to my mind
for missing unexpectedly a day from work
but at least i watch a good film today
and got a distant dream recovered

and in a very different taste [mood]
but invariably when i fell victim
of a stupid migraine i remember
the adventures of the migraine boy

aging

Monday morning
woke up
fatigued already
daily-early bathroom-mirror
check up

three more little gray hairs
on my left temple
from last night to this morning
and on my hair so naturally dark
show these gray attempts of
maturity as flashy displays

and every time
I put some lip stick on
lately
little lines of deeper color
get trapped
on the small wrinkles
that are growing deeper
around my mouth

ahhh, the magic of aging
one’s body feels so different
after almost 40 years of use and misuse

surely I haven’t find my user’s manuals
‘cause aches and pains on this body
and little twitches keep on flourishing
like a menace
unstoppable as
the trace of time is



but i am glad to see
that the deepest marks on my face
are those lines one draws while smiling
around the mouth
around the eyes but
those are good-earned
proud-to-wear wrinkles

time time time
and i wonder how i will look
at age 80
if i make it

probably a smiling, short
and little chubby
white-haired with a bun
on the top of the head
funny-looking mexican old lady

presidential debate

last Friday i watched the 1st presidential debate
between Senators Obama and McCain

I am truly afraid of McCain!
It is just scary to hear his international politics and strategics
and it is just scary to even see him
his attitude and old-fashioned close-mindlessness
his KGB stories, and his POW stale tales

God helps this country if the republicans win again
I truly hope that American people get over this war
and vote for Obama

war and violence are so 20th century!
material richness and over-acquisition is so overrated!

i cannot wait for peace to take over this world
for Americans and other warrior power-trippy countries
to get into their populations true moral values

i cannot wait for rich people to become an old stupid fashion
and for humility and good natured intentions to become again the sign of how a good being is, not how big is your car

so anyway enough of my mad ranting
and hippie dreams of less social unfairness
and here judge for yourself

which of these men has a more 'positive' over all
point of view of the world
who will fit better into this 21th century
who thinks of 'talking' and not just keep on fighting and supporting a nuclear war



and yes!! we are 'the' super-humans
we have conquered nature and animal kingdoms
we can kill buffaloes with 1 single gun shot
and we have the power to destroy the world about 20 times
with our super nuclear weapons
we are really clever!!!
and i just ask always myself
wouldn't 1 time of destroying the earth will be enough?

if McCain gets into the power
sadly, I see a catastrophe coming into this country
and another catastrophe looming over this world

why humans can relate to people like Bush or McCain?
don't they have relatives??? I cannot believe
Bush daughters don't point him how much of an asshole he is!
I cannot believe these power-tripping men have NO families
to point at them: "hey Dad, or husband, you are sending your own soldiers to die, you are killing our country"... when it comes to politicians, I have never trusted, many of them raise into power and go crazy... OK, but why nobody around them stop them? for me, worse than Hitler (an extreme example here) were the ones who supported him, the guy was psycho indeed, but, why all his followers followed him? the scary part are the supporters... I truly trust that American people will open their eyes and forget about McCain and Bush and start trusting the world again

so much for a political Sunday morning

pardon!

Alles Gute

wünsche ich dir
Auf für immer wie heute

Herr Thilo,
Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
Happy Birthday to you!
¡Feliz Cumpleaños!



& many years of many of your wunderbare 'clicks'

Autumn spiralling in G-Schlüssel

the Summer is officially over
and the 1st day of Autumn
left me Spiralling down
on a

Bassschlüssel
bass clef
clave de Fa



still i carry around my wrist
a small enough joyful remainder
with a little white flower
and i dream of now distant days
of desert days, with red rocks
and soundly open smiles
it all sounded deep and strong
like in

G-Schlüssel
treble clef
clave de Sol

today the Fall felt and the whole day
i sneezed, a hay-feverish day
head stuffed, heart in complain

so a
spiralling its tune down

'cause spiralling in
i can fall deep in melancholia
and the Autumn celebrate

just spiralling
just spiralling with
ambiguous, darkish, melancholic
but beautiful and poetic mister
Antony and The Johnsons
and so on
here a song...
spirall yourself along

will see mister Antony and the Johnsons with the
Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra
this coming October
and we'll spiralling down
i am sure it will be a rather different experience

sunny quiet Sonntag

today was one of those
lovely quiet Sundays


[and during the cooking of das Frühstück, a beloved voice came through, filling the eggs' recipe with joy]

an introspective day
with quiet home shores
the smell of laundry and the soft sun
reminded me of the peace


[i did laundry and realized i have way too many light green clothing (?)]

that peaces that seems to hide in between home-cooked meals
and quiet afternoons smelling of books and tea



slowly one can feel
the hot turbulence of the Summer
surrendering to the more calmed
languid moods of the Autumn



and slowly on this lazy late Summer, i can feel
as i contemplate shadows through my window



the memoir of your soft kiss
and the birds fly around again
in a little dizzy bliss



a sunny Sonntag sneaky feeling

por las mañanas

morgens passieren
mornings happen
las mañanas ocurren



"All is worthwhile if the soul is not small."
-Fernando Pessoa