Thursday, October 02, 2008

migraine collie and the infinite sadness

just as my little life
started to take a wonderful shape again
things go wrong now in my head (literally)

i finally have a wonderful man
an adorable boyfriend who loves me endlessly
even if in the other side of the world
i have a wonderful mother
that even if a little crazy and feisty
cares for me every second
my father and half sister and brother
are healthy and in touch with my again
i have a 'non-profitable' job
but that provides enough for my humble life
i have a little white house
very small but enough for me

so all has been perfect
except these (and pardon the adjective)
fucking migraines

i have suffered migraines for many years now
but lately, oh lately
there are sooo strong, and more often
of course has to do a lot with my aging
and maybe with the misuses of my body
(3 tacos for 1 peso in Mexico City subway
used to be my lunch sometimes)
and so many times i have missed sleep
over work and over fun too
yet, for the past couple of years
i have eaten relatively healthy food
i have lived a relatively healthy life-style

the doctor says: hormonal changes, stress
i say: what can i do?
i don't really feel stressed
i don't really have worries or troubles
since apparently the triggers for migraines
can be so many and diverse causes
at least i am trying to rule out foods now
today i was given an "elimination" diet
by my dietitian, a very bland mixture of foods
i will follow this diet for 10 days to 2 weeks
and then i will start adding 1 different ingredient
every day and see the reaction of my body
so i can figure out the causes of these migraines

for a while i have not drank beer (which i miss and love)
i haven't drink red wine either
and every day i enjoy less and less food
so this is becoming a very sad situation

i truly hope this diet helps me identify
what is wrong with my head
so i can go back to eat normally again

here my silly diet

and my very bland dinner, ah sighs...

and some very melancholic words
as i cooked tonight my dinner
an infinite sadness took over me
the sadness of not being able
to eat what i like
the sadness of feeling my brain deteriorate
with every migraine attack
the frustration of a bad health

and the sun sets
and i wish you were here to hug you
and the sun sets
and i just hope to feel happy
to feel Allegro Vivace one again!

i truly hope i can recover from this
horrible malady and if you are reading here
and feel healthy and love
just smile and be thankful
and take care of yourself and the ones you love
'cause health is not something one can buy
nor love, nor care, i have love and care
i am just waiting to recover my health

oh the moody title
from this oldy smashing pumpkins song

and to complete my frustration
i had tickets tonight to go to Los Angeles
to see My Bloody Valentine
one of the noisiest band of all times
i am soooo mad that 'cause of Tuesdays' migraine
i am not there, believe me is not just noise

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