life has cycles
and they do turn around
the good ones, and the bad ones too
this Monday morning
the reason of my whole stress
i have been having little
and attacks of anxiety
and loneliness the whole weekend
and i wasn't sure why all this stress in my mind
my Google calendar reminder reads:
Gynecologist at 6pm
get ready for ovary biopsy
now i know why in the back of my mind
i have been so desperate and stressed
and damn if i forget...
but no wonder around these days
in October i feel so alone
insecure and depressed
in October 2005
i was diagnose with "possible"
thank God i was OK!
and i didn't have ovarian cancer
but this condition that made me feel similar
i still have the diverticulitis
and that's why i have to eat lots of fruit
and yogurt every morning
plus fiber and vegetables
but 2 years ago
on the 3 weeks that i was not sure of having cancer
i learn a lot of things about life
i learn to say the people i love
how much i love them
and not to waste time on being mad
'cause i realized life can go just like that
the sickness i suffer
has made me a humble woman
'cause one can buy everything
except the care of a true friend
those things you earn
those things you can't buy
any of us could die of a sickness
or in a car accident
or just stop breathing like that!!!
life is so fragile
nobody has bought us life
and maybe that's why i insist so much!
on being close and talking to the people i love
as much as i can keep in touch
i get this trauma back on 2005
some of my friends know about it
and some don't
this blog is full
of these maladies
and on today's little fear of the day
the hospital, the cleaning products
those surgical smells
and i think
and how sad, to leave this world
being mad to the ones you love
that's why i insist to write, to call...
still, every year
as a method of precaution
I most take the infamous biopsy
cause of the maladies of this mess i created...
an ovarian and cervical cancer biopsy
is mandatory for my medical insurance
since i was diagnosed with the condition before
and the biopsy itself
is not that much painful
just a pinch, a strong one!
but the nervousness that comes around
having to wear the hospital rope
and feel the cold instruments against your body
have to relaxed your body when you are the most
anxious and stressed and this time alone
on a hospital bed, is not fun...
these days and how i feel
so desperate and having to wait for the results
about a week, hoping all is OK still
even if i know i will be fine
every time you take a test
there's is the chance...
it was nice to talk to my mother last night
and i still didn't remember about the appointment
not last night, i just knew something was bugging me
a bit of hospital anxiety
the surgical smells again
but life is like that
and plays on us the strangest games
i feel more lonely and desperate
and now for a real reason
but hey! i am a big girl
if i survived the big scary thing 2 years ago
and i survived migraines almost every month
and the diverticulitis pains then...
i will walk at 6pm straight into the little hospital
alone and holding my own hand
and for 1 or 2 hours i might be stressed there
and then the cold pinch, ouch!
but then i will come home
i will wait for my 10 days for the results
i am pretty sure i am fine
i have felt desperate but the health is better
to complete a gray mood
there is mild gray in san diego
and now the call
and changed to 8pm!
who was an biopsy at 8pm?
crazy health care provider
at least they have a web-page...