lumps and smiles

amsterdam seems to hold a rather interesting population
unexpected conversations
little drops of others lives
mixing while traveling
confusing stories to recall
from the other world



some days pass easy
mainly when you have little aspirations
and a face to smile to

some other days get stuck in your soul
like a giant invisible lump
so hard to tear down
since not visible it is, you know?

as today, if i put together all those hours
all of my memories
all of my tears, my embraces, my smiles
the good and the bad times and
all of these mine stubborn words
that i have been writing for a while
then i have a little life to acknowledge
as today, 38 years
of smiles and lumps
i count

and my life’s so different
from what i picture it would be
not better, not worse
just different
and i wonder… how it will end
and where…

i just hope that stuck to my face
that last day of existence that i will encompass
will be a smile, some teeth shinning
on an open wide mouth
and not a lump of desperation
fixed on my eyes

i hope
i can always share
better if with you
one last smile