Monday, February 26, 2007

a weekend in the limbo

during the headache I had on Saturday I played with this digital foto
the sharp of the branches the intense of the sun
Reminded me on a blinding migraine
Photoshop pill I took (& w/headache, was strange)…

As I get older
My body takes even harder these hormonal states

This weekend was lost in the limbo
Saturday I had a headache the whole day
Restraining myself from everything in order not to get a migraine
No TV, not much computer screen
not reading too much
no bad food, no caffeine! (a very hard one)
no spicy food
not walking too fast
taking care of not stepping too hard on my own feet
not breathing too fast, damn!
no nothing! the whole freaking day

Sunday was a little better
So walked to watch the Oscars at my friends home
I had a good time since there were 2 dogs and they
took turns to seat on my lap and keep me warm
I barely moved in 4hrs from the same seat
I was that tired and out of it

But today again... Monday, with lots of work
and silly meeting that I can't cancell so
work and...
A freaking cramp! A really strong one
One of those that make you sweat cold every 1/2 an hour
Feels like a knife through my belly the whole day

Saturday I was so out of it
And my photos not ready were anyway nor Sunday
but
Today I got 4 CDs with pictures from film
I took the past days! some came out OK
I took some at night with ISO 800
a challenge for me that I couldn't afford with the Canon point & shot

Although I am too tired to play with my fotos
Just wanted to document my health misery
And the mental states that these hormones bring too
Of course apart from the pain
I am emotional and sad and down
But careless somehow
Too tired
I should know by now, and this state shouldn’t take me
By surprise, that a couple a days per month
It is all just suffering, is all just desperation
And wrapped in a high dose of fucking frustration
Lovely! (sarcasm of course)
And also I am way more distracted and stupid over all
Intellectually, in any and all ways
But habitually, the symptom that hasn't failed for the past 3 years
a lot of physical pain

then once sick of all these hormones and senseless pains
of these nonsense flying in my head
I decided to treat myself
ah! The French Bakery at the corner of home provided a little fruit tart full of sugary happiness!

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