another day

nights days days nights days nights days days and nights
again
roll down from the upper heavens
mechanical expectation
long hope, lengthy anticipation

softly holding each day
till next spring
as (with a bit of luck) will bloom in
flowers
and in an inspirational verve
of new finer sensations

the autumn falls with Abraxas

I was 14 years old when I first read this name: Abraxas
And I am not sure why it has been appearing in my head for the past couple of days, randomly, maybe it is just a semantic game that my brain is playing with me

Yes, it was on Herr Hermann Hesse’s book Demian [link in English] that I read it

and yes 14 years old when I read Demian, and after reading that book I was never again the same adolescent, those images of Emil Sinclair, his friend Demian, his mother Frau Eva, and the bird giving birth to a new world, and other ideas did change me, and profoundly

Changes as the year changes you with its mutating seasons
the Autumn here, with a first leaf a couple of days ago gently falling
on the street cement

back on Hesse, then I was around 24 or 26 years old when I took a long vacation in Autlán, my grandmother’s and mother’s hometown in Mexico… Esperanza (my grandmother) handed me a copy of “El Lobo Estepario" Der Steppenwolf, this book gave me so many bloody nightmares! And I don’t mean “bloody” as in a British insult, but literally bloody, as in dreaming every night rivers of blood during the week I was reading it… I don’t remember this book being particularly ‘violent’ at all, but I do remember it getting into your subconscious and making it ‘tickle’… I also remember very well the one specific blood dream during the reading:

There was this big parking lot in a city, there were just a few cars parked, leaving almost all the spaces empty, it was dark at night and then a sea of blood with big waves of blood inundated the parking lot, big waves of blood, very ala Stanley Kubrick’s The Shinning elevator scene

I guess Herr Hesse’s words did take me to the Magic Theatre with protagonist Harry

I have read before and after other works by him… when I was 19 or 20 I read "Narciso y Goldmundo" [Narziss und Goldmund], a beautiful book on growing and many others of his tales like Baden, Baden and of course I have read his famous Siddhartha… a great writer that I haven’t read in many years but whose shadow is in my life as it seems, permanently

Worth mentioning that almost all the Herman Hesse books I have read have been in Spanish

Maybe after this little blog acknowledgment/tribute to Abraxas, his name will stop flying inside my head. I have my theories maybe I think of this name because I think more of Germany these days, and I relate Hermann Hesse with Germany, who knows how my silly brain really works? Not me for sure, but it is just curious that I think of this name, and not Demian, or Emil, or Eva, or not another character of the book that I am actually reading (still on A Line of Beauty The story of Nick Guest, a handsome young gay man and Oxford graduate, who is actually a guest of a rich family and with high politic hierarchy in London, it is the 80’s, when AIDS was unleashing, there are tons of Margaret Thatcher as "the Lady", and cocaine snoring stories & references, and also some of the most beautiful sentences that I have read in English literature lately, the book by respected Alan Hollinghurst)

oh well, a strange head & thoughts, and a slightly skewed perception of life
I sometimes carry over my shoulders, and no, I am not crazy...
well a maybe a little… but nothing too serious ;)

björk... for a dear friend on his birthday

this little clip of Björk's beauty with a Clavichord
for a dear friend who is Björk's enthusiast on his birthday

waking life (in 2 languages)

waking life

free will and physics



freie Entscheidung und Physik

a beer garden on my street

Adams Avenue Street Fair is this weekend
my street will be closed and it will be a beer garden at the end of it

Southern California's largest free music festival, they wrote


article on the San Diego Union Tribune

the main site Adams Avenue Street Fair
it will be my first one in this neighborhood, let's see how it goes...

sonic youth - the empty page

the words to the song:

these are the words
but not the truth
god bless them all
when they speak to you

but that’s all right
on an empty stage
sing out when
there’s no other way

come drift the town
where secrets lie
where friends & neighbors
keep drifting by

but that’s all right
you’re here to stay
sing out tonight
the empty page

i always thought i’d see
your name in flashing light
you did it all for free girl
& freely ripped the night
(yr free to fight)

these are the words
but not the truth
god bless them all
when they speak to you

but that’s all right
you’re here to stay
sing out tonight
the empty page

do you remember the time
when you were new in town
you smashed yr head in the mirror baby
and kissed the frozen ground
(yr ripped up sound)

the empty page has wasted down
the empty page is ripped
the empty page will waste this town
the empty page has slipped

one year at 23

september 18 2005, a year from today
first time posting photos on 23

as today are 1313 photos
about 3.597 photos per day (smile)

but just 0.597 % of the total of images are 1/2 decent
the rest is sort of bad photography habit trying to make an autobiographical bookkeeping :)
for how long it lasts the project
and for one day maybe... when i get to grow even older
watch them & remember

the date has been recorded...
a bit of an aloof monday

strange sunday

if life would have come with a set of printed instructions
for sure, i would be right now reading them
one by one
fine print and every single hidden clause

unfortunately
i have no instructions
and i keep on going where i shouldn't

and then all of a sudden i read above
yep! it makes sense
chronology of my own stupidity

i don't know why i can't shake off me this feeling that
i ruined something... some remorse or guilty tastes like

like when you break without bad intention
a precious crystal object that your parents told you not to play with

but it looks so pretty that you want to touch it and get closer
and then you handle it wrong, and you broke it
that moment before your parent find out about the accident
is how i've been feeling this sunday

because i am not sure if my actions are amendable or
again how to fix what i might have broken
i don't have instructions :(

why do i click in too many places?

again that feeling as the smiths song
big mouth strikes again

a sunday night and it is quiet and eerie atmosphere
in the evening

i tried to water the little plants outside
your flower included
and the garden hose i bought is gone
some workers or the new neighbor probably took it
but just was strange because i thought that would distract me

ironic also

and i took this photo a weekend ago
of the funny trunks
and life was sad and still too then
but different
how life twists on a week
from weekend to weekend

time is magic you wrote me one day
time is magic and i hope one day i can
float on it gently
maybe?

urgency

urgency of the city melting
ambulances’ sirens cooing for shelter
fast cars & planes sounds sketched
animals looking for shelter
this city, me, evaporating

at foyer of life
one day
won’t be more waiting

the end of the summer

5 hrs broiled
tuna aji w/tangy sauce
mojitos
3 women

the dying sun
and a soft almost obscene soft pink
background came
fluffy bubbles left by a small fuzzy octopuss on my chair

grilled brie w/custard and bed of sweet peaches
we ate
shiskabas (beef & chicken)
shrimps
and some memories of you
for a sweet marinade

i took a nap
that was the dream more
a sweaty short nightmare
under a sun of a-5pm
you & an another, unknown too siluotte
a woman
walking hand in hand

3 women then
my friends came...

and is that end of the summer fear
like when you finish a good book
of not knowing what might come next...
that
with the autumn now to me came...
that you might,
just fade

strange day
warm day
a bit sad like if it was a half day
an ending summer day
i think

some fever might be left
i think of a fever one
is my mid-day nightmare
tall woman & obscene pink dream
case...