i immerse on life's strangeness and seemingly unfairness
many times too
times at work haven't been fine
internal unfairness mixed with deadlines
extra working hours, etc. etc. etc.
and as i whine and complain like a little girl
in a rush to make it to my yoga class
feed cats, feed birds, and try to find a corner of peace
i fell from the two steps outside my house
a swollen knee, with a deadline at work
mixed with some anger, not such a good deal...
and i hear myself saying out loud: "life is so unfair"
i seat, turn on the TV, the news...
the Pakistan floods
and i feel so unfairly stupid for whining before
i have a job
i have a life
i have a swollen knee
but i am alive and haven't lost my life
and little properties, and family
to a flooding
life is not unfair for me
i am only too used to be OK
in spite of all my physical little maladies
i am OK
i am not sure why i've been thinking of mortality lately
maybe 'cause of the stress
but also, as i approach the end of this project that has
been taking me too long
i morbidly thought as i drove home back from work:
what if i die today?
even if it's an easy project
nobody really knows where all my files are
nobody would really finish it, i know it!
such is the nature of my office
probably it will forgotten
over the little ceremony of my death
probably nobody will push to finish it
and then i started thinking
so when somebody who lives alone, like me, dies
who empties their refrigerator?
who takes out the trash?
who goes through your sock & underwear drawer?
who waters your plants?
who feeds your cats?
(i have plans and a life insurance for them, but still...)
who checks your e-mails and replies that you are dead?
who updates your blog?!!??
i guess that's why the call death
the great unfetter from this world
'cause i guess, then, you don't really care
about these little details that some mornings
seem like a blessing, and some others like a challenge
as much as death might seem like freedom some days
i really enjoy being alive
having the possibility to be mad at people at work
and at lousy drivers who don't use their blinkers to change lanes
i love to be able to breath even if to find out that
my head hurts again
strange life events
thoughts over dead people socks' drawers
and work stress
i guess they all come with life
so i type here tonight
instead of bending my heart and my body
at my yoga class
'cause on the rushed way to relaxing
i fell
10 comments:
Dear Berenice... We all have good times and bad times in our life. Actually, we have more bad times, i dare say. That's why we have to make positive thoughts. Making this kind of thoughts is the only weapon we have in order to face the war that is the life today...
(Oh, i don't know the english language very well, if i knew it, i would have made you feel much better... Finally, did i write this text right? :))) Well, positive thoughts, dear Berenice, just positive thoughts)...
Autsch!
Take care of you Frau Bere!
Your thoughts are so familiar to me... :)
I think, there is a time in life,
when all people have the same fears
and thoughts.
Don't worry! It's normal!
Big hug!
Thilolito
Putting things into perspective is always a great reminder of how a delicate princess one could be, it is a very useful and healthy thing to do on a regular basis. Also,it can help on understanding your mind frame needs to change and become more of a 'life is good' sort of thing. Of course, everybody hates Pollyanna (myself included), but the truth is that, as you mentioned, we are healthy, happy, busy, moving forward and ours are only measly little problems in which we choose to drown ourselves.
On another note, stop hurrying. Very bad accidents can happen in half a second.
Cuidate mucho Mayor Tom! Besos!
I hear you, Bere. Since I worked in nursing homes during my college year I've been having the hardest time complaining about anything. Every time I feel the urge I see one of those patients I had who couldn't even turn themselves in their bed without help or go to the bathroom by themselves. Then I feel such a wimp. :o(
But that must have been a hard fall you took! Holy cow! I hope you iced the knee right away and that it doesn't look and hurt as bad now as when you took the picture. :o( Those gatos have better be giving you a heavy dose of TLC or I'll be pretty miffed at them! :o)
hola my dear dear friends, thank you so much to every one of you for your kind words and taking the time to comment, thank god is Friday and i feel much better! the knee is healing and hoping i can make it to the yoga on Saturday, some deep breaths and namastes are always a way to relax...
beto i had to laugh at the little princess comment, we knew a couple of these back in Mexico, huh?
mister Smorg, los gatos have been wonderful, special thanks to Frau Kitty, when i fell, she was by my side all the time, sniffing me, rubbing against me and clearly comforting me!! she has done this before, whenever she sees me (i guess smells me) too upset she starts rubbing against my ankles or arms, such a sweat heart
thank you and hope you all have a great weekend, finally it's feeling like the summer in California!
Berenice,
That is one swollen and bruised knee!!! I hope you have made a complete recovery by now.
As for "life's strangeness and seemingly unfairness" that's what makes us so attached to it....there's always that anxious waiting for tomorrow, wondering what it may have in store for us. Were it not for the unpredictability, even the unfairness, our lure for life may not have been!
However, all the concerns and apprehensions you voice are felt are not yours alone : ) There are days when I feel exactly the same, and I know that's a consolation : )...we are all in it together!
Cheer up, if you are not already ..
dear ID, thank you for your lovely note
and yes the knee and the spirits are much better now... writing here is such a great help for me, to know i can vent and complain and then eventually get such great feedback from knowledgeable and kind people like you and my rest of eFriends, i truly appreciate it!
glad you are back from India! it's been great reading your posts!
Hola Berenice,
Your swollen knee and those black thoughts happened nearly a fortnight ago.
A friend once told me if you are unhappy go to someone who is even unhappier.
Stress at work seems to be more and more common. Did you hear this story about the airline steward who got insulted by a passenger. He yelled back, gave his resignation verbally, grabbed two beers and quit. If everybody could do this once in a while....
Cheers Berenice (there is candy somewhere)
Dear Berenice... I hope everything is fine there. I came here for second time in order to tell you this:
My Blog "Music Arrows" has its first birthday today and it has a great party with music. You are invited Berenice!
awww thank you very much dear Diatton and Herr Georg, things are looking up but i've been busy with work and then getting sick, etc. etc. etc. life's busy these days
and dear Diatton! YEAH!! congratulations on your first anniversary of the blog, i will make sure to visit to celebrate and join the party!
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