Tuesday, August 10, 2010

the strangeness of life

as i rejoice many days on life's beauty
i immerse on life's strangeness and seemingly unfairness
many times too

times at work haven't been fine
internal unfairness mixed with deadlines
extra working hours, etc. etc. etc.

and as i whine and complain like a little girl
in a rush to make it to my yoga class
feed cats, feed birds, and try to find a corner of peace
i fell from the two steps outside my house

a swollen knee, with a deadline at work
mixed with some anger, not such a good deal...



and i hear myself saying out loud: "life is so unfair"

i seat, turn on the TV, the news...
the Pakistan floods
and i feel so unfairly stupid for whining before

i have a job
i have a life
i have a swollen knee
but i am alive and haven't lost my life
and little properties, and family
to a flooding

life is not unfair for me
i am only too used to be OK
in spite of all my physical little maladies
i am OK

i am not sure why i've been thinking of mortality lately
maybe 'cause of the stress
but also, as i approach the end of this project that has
been taking me too long
i morbidly thought as i drove home back from work:

what if i die today?
even if it's an easy project
nobody really knows where all my files are
nobody would really finish it, i know it!
such is the nature of my office
probably it will forgotten
over the little ceremony of my death
probably nobody will push to finish it

and then i started thinking
so when somebody who lives alone, like me, dies
who empties their refrigerator?
who takes out the trash?
who goes through your sock & underwear drawer?
who waters your plants?
who feeds your cats?
(i have plans and a life insurance for them, but still...)
who checks your e-mails and replies that you are dead?
who updates your blog?!!??

i guess that's why the call death
the great unfetter from this world
'cause i guess, then, you don't really care
about these little details that some mornings
seem like a blessing, and some others like a challenge

as much as death might seem like freedom some days
i really enjoy being alive
having the possibility to be mad at people at work
and at lousy drivers who don't use their blinkers to change lanes
i love to be able to breath even if to find out that
my head hurts again

strange life events
thoughts over dead people socks' drawers
and work stress
i guess they all come with life
so i type here tonight
instead of bending my heart and my body
at my yoga class
'cause on the rushed way to relaxing
i fell
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