Monday, January 29, 2007

chuck palahniuk

this dark but brilliant writer
chuck palahniuk
has before, stirred some dark feelings
in my soul

tonight, i remember
two of his quotes

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."
-Fight Club, 1996

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."
-Invisible Monsters, 1999

the first quote
i wish i could restart my brain and my soul
i wish, like a computer,
i could wipe off all the memories
and install a new operating system

i feel like an older computer
maybe is my internal old windows xp
an outdate computer i am
maybe because windows vista is coming out
maybe because there is always a newer
and brighter computer than myself

maybe it is time to give up the old dreams
and just rest from this apprehension
that having dreams causes

somehow i got tired of this self-competition
of, as joseph posted, trying to fulfill somebody's
or my own expectations

i nicely give up, knowing that i gave all i could

the Buddhist principle
i will try to apply
the one of having lack of desire
no more expectations
no more desires for love nor glory
some dreams are better to give up

if you don’t want or expect anything
then peace will follow
a strange lonely freedom
not waiting for anything
not having hope anymore
refreshes tonight with a thin rain outside
and i smell this old loneliness of mine
coming back
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