the socrates syndrome

Debility infuses days
Discolored morality
Climbing the
Clenched soul
At nights

Splotchy principles
Of my lower mind
My inferior soul
My poorer core

Not malevolence
Nonetheless
lacking fineness

reason stumbles
revealing my own self
A weakness-full-of face

Not loving enough
Not caring enough
For no one
certainly not for one self

monster of despise
Judging lefts & rights
Have I become?

Feeling mad and rude this day

ignorance and unrestraint
undisciplined soul
makes me carry
this non-glorious self every step

not proud of myself
ignorance violence
my very own intellectual spiritual
faults

if i knew my own definitions of right and wrong
that could help
confused although
can't see the light
or don't know what is light for myself

wish had some radiance
but I don’t
wonder if I knew
when the dark spots started to grow
when did these crooked principles
were plotted?

was it on the cradle early existence of my soul?
Was it on my bringing up?

Or is it embedded? As in genes
On the traces of a damaged dna

Doubt and self-judgment
I call upon

Since doubt on my own
Believing am mistaken
Seems the only way
To a path of humility
And interior peace
That I, since born I long for

Poor of spirit
Poor of soul
Weak and mean

seems the only comfort
Is not among the human race
i undergo low for them
feel this day

everybody seems more radiant
too valuable (in a righteous sort of way)
to be my friend

an iceberg wish i could live in,
between 4 walls of coldness

me alone to cure my own miserable soul
seems to be the way

ice cold to refresh
the self inflicted bounds
of a lower woman as I am today….

"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."
Socrates