Life

 Another aunt passed away.

Nothing else to say.

Too much pain and suffering

56,000,000,000 Animals will die yearly for our pleasure since we don’t need to eat animals to survive & thrive. #MeatIsMurder

Animals

Way too many dead animals, at zoos, at testing facilities, at schools, at homes, at slaughterhouses... what are we doing? We are just grabbing animals & killing them by billions!!! Aren't we supposed to be the 'evolved' species? ‪#‎heartbreaking‬

Hector Crow. The first of the gang to die?

One of my dear dear friends crows died today
or I think he died today, early this morning.
The crows live around my office
I feed them every morning during week days
This morning I found his body.
It was so heartbreaking, to see his black little legs
his black feathered shinny body lifeless on the grass.

Was it a hawk that killed him?
Was he poisoned? Not sure why I got this idea.

Just yesterday or 2 days ago,
I saw the gang (murder) of 5 flying around!
And today, there is only 4 left.

These crows know me very well,
they come closer and fly over my head when they see me
specially if I am wearing my red sunglasses,
they like me wearing them,
some times they fly so close to my head,
I get a little afraid...
I feed them raw cashews and peanuts,
they have been my friends for years now.

I think one died before.
But I am not sure if it was the same murder.
I always recognize one of them that a
bald part on the neck, he seems older...

But in honor of this L.A. classic Morrissey song
I title the post like this
The First of the Gang to Die.
and I name my dead crow friend, Hector.

Good bye Hector,
your beautiful blackness crossing fast
against the blue skies, will be so missed
your loud cawing calling me will be no long.
You stole my heart away.

Rest in Peace, Hector, the crow.

Hector, the first of the crow gang to die

Hector black beautiful legs, lifeless

The rest of the crow gang (murder), this morning, not far from Hector's body

Crow murder saying good bye as I go back in the office

RIP Mr. Spock

RIP Mr. Spock, and Leonard Nimoy.
Leonar Nimoy was a vegetarian,
Mr. Spock, a vegan.

Mr. Spock, Vulcan, a non-violent species, won't kill animals for food

Like most Vulcans, Spock is a vegetarian, but really a Vegan!
Vulcans are a nonviolent species,
which is reflected by their eating habits.
"Ideally, do no harm. . . As far as possible, do not kill.
Can you return life to what you kill?"
This philosophy would most likely imply that
Vulcans are not just simply vegetarians, but VEGAN-
a very strict type of vegetarian who
consumes NO animal products whatsoever.
For example, a Vulcan would see no logic in
raising an animal to consume its eggs,
as that could be considered taking a life.

Leonard Nimoy was a talented artist NOT only Mr. Spock

I Vulcan-salute you Leonard Nimoy & Mr. Spock!

from an older post

crows

Sad day, there are 2 crows around the office,
remember the crows back from 2006?
not sure if they are the same ones, probably
often I leave them Ezekiel back slices of bread
and left over fruit.
Friday morning I only saw 1 crow and was calling desperate,
making loud noises, never saw the other crow coming.
Friday evening, I saw a 'murder of crows',
crows get together to mourn a bird lost from the flock.
[watch this great PBS documentary on crows]

Today there was only 1 crow again.
He came when he saw me, they recognize me,
I left some apple for him,
I am afraid he lost his couple RIP crow #2

pict from 2006, older post on crows around the office

Animals Grieve, they have feelings,
they mourn their families and have complex connections.

All those animals living in factory farms,
chickens, pigs, cows, or the ones in the so-called 'humane' farms
know when a member of their family is dead.

Please stop eating the animals,
it is NOT necessary for you to survive and to be a healthy person
(on the contrary), don't make them go through this time

animals do not want to die

"Animals are sentient and
do know they are going to die!

You can see how this one cow

just don't want to go in there because

he knows death awaits him.

How heartbreaking!"

You can stop this! Go Vegan!

Stop the meat industry! #animals #veganism #death 

I am scared and don't want to die.
Think of this video the next time you are about to eat
a cow, a pig, a chicken, or a fish.
Any & all meat are murder for a dish you body
doesn't really need. Think about it!
 

Official Google Reader Blog: Powering Down Google Reader

I keep track of my blogs and read most of them via Google Reader...
also of new posted 23hq pictures
articles, notes, etc.!!
today I found out that Google decided to bring Google Reader down
and I am down myself!
First, they are taking away iGoogle, and now this?
I liked Google, I did... any ideas on what to use now?

Official Google Reader Blog: Powering Down Google Reader: Posted by Alan Green, Software Engineer We have just announced on the Official Google Blog that we will soon retire Google Reader (the...

Julian Omar Chavez-Abraham

i found out a couple of days ago
that my very first boyfriend passed away in 2009
not a pretty story, that one of his adulthood
but pretty indeed was discovering the first love
the first kiss, by his side
we met in high-school
i was 18 and he was 17
i was his first girlfriend too

we were so nerdy!
in Mexico, the last year of high-school
you have to choose the 'area' of career
you want to follow on college
we both followed physics mathematics
he wanted to be an engineer
i wanted to be an architect
so we chose the same classes

some years later he actually became an architect
and i became an industrial designer

and so calculus became our pass-time
i remember talking to him for hours
on the phone, even after spending
the entire morning with him at school
we called each other with the excuse of the
calculus homework and then end-up sighing
together over the phone 'cause we couldn't see
each other in the evenings
feeling that life was so unfair 'cause we had
to wait another 12 hours to hold hands again
hiding from professors and other students
just to hold hand, because we were that shy...

the charm of first love
i will never forget you, Julian Chavez
or Juliancito as my mom used to call him
and for you i say a little prayer
and post this old photo full of sunlight
i bet where you are now, you are smiling
and getting the sun strokes even closer

me and death

i try to forget about her
but she keeps on appearing, everywhere

there's a small young possum dead
trapped under my back door
half body in, half body out
but completely dead

and my neighbor's cat...
and this mysterious pain in my breast

when i breath
when i care
when, for the cats, i search

i keep on being reminded
of how fragile life is
and of the constant menace
she is, always

'cause where there's life
and there's hope
she likes to lurk
to ensnare!

i wish i could
about her, forget
but as soon as i misrecollect her
she comes forth again!

she's a constant threat

please please
oh death!
do go away
i'd like to breath
i'd like to forget

the great white ocean

i've been away from the blog
for too long
days are busy, tiring
Herr Gato got into a fight
lots of vets visits, compresses
no yoga, stress at work
but the saddest, the Japanese news
and now Libya and so on
so little humans, we struggle, we do
but from the pain comes art, and inspiration
and survival, and love
this little song about death, about love
to the victims of Japan and all earthquakes
i dedicate with love



Swim with me my mama when I die
In the ocean of death I will cry
If I am not with my family
You could be my friend eternally

Swim with me my Sister when I die
In the great white ocean we must try
Try to find a way that we can see
See each others faces in the sea

Swim with me my Brother when I die
I don't ever want to say good-bye
If you do go first or if it's me
Oh my darling brother, swim with me

Swim to me my Father when I die
Please remember Father, we must try
Try not to forget our family
Oh my darling Father, rescue me


Google Earth's picture of Japan after the quake

a related book

After the Quake by Haruki Murakami

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


View all my reviews

adiós a mi tío Pepe

mi tío Pepe, at my mom's garden in Autlán, December 2008

This Sunday morning my humble household
Apparently remains unchanged
The cats come & go
Beg for food, and stroll about
The birds graze around
And the mild coldish sun
Shows its beans, shy

Yet the news of death
Filter through a distant telephone line
Once again on this deadly 2009

Last night my aunt Elena who was visiting
In Guadalajara told me that my uncle Jose
Suffered a heart attack
But she was hopeful that he was to recover
I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was with him
Spending the night at the hospital

And early this morning, 6.30 am my time
The phone rang...
Complications after the heart attack
And being my uncle diabetic and in bad shape
Most of his life
This one has abandoned him all together
At once

My uncle was younger than my mother
But his life was always so hectic
That he looked older than her
I am not sure how old exactly he was
But I do know he was not yet 60
Close, but not 60 yet
57? 58?

And one thing that is a comfort for all
Family, I hope
Is that he lived an authentic rich life
Not the way most people think of a rich life
But for rich, in his peculiar ways…
He was a heavy drinker, a ‘party animal’
he really never took much care of himself
I guess he was one of those souls
Who agree with the old saying
“live free or die”
Vivre libres ou mourir

He lived for many years here in the US
In San Francisco, and then Portland
He was a truck driver most of his life
Had a great sense of humor
he was a pleasant person
with always cheerful manners
And over all a great sense of charity
I remember seeing my uncle
Getting rid of an expensive jacket once
That he has just received as a Christmas present
And handed it to a homeless drunk guy
Of course the aunt who just gave it to him
As a gift was sort of disappointed
But that was my uncle
He was never rich, yet he worked hard his whole life
And every penny he ever made
He shared with his friends
Who were never among the “good people”
He loved to surround himself with homeless people
And drink with them
Worth saying that my grandma and his sisters suffered
A big deal ‘cause of his 'free-living ways'
But then again, I am sure my uncle
Sure enjoyed his life

These photos of him and my mom
I took in December 2008 in Autlán Jalisco
Back in 2007, and because of his diabetes
My uncle almost lost a leg while living in Portland
I remember my aunt Margarita and my mother
Traveling from Mexico to a lost town in Oregon
To sort of rescue him…
The whole family thought that once my uncle
Was in Mexico, he would stop drinking and taking
Care of himself
But my uncle was still so full of life
And he sure loved to play around
To surprise of my mom and aunt
He started having an affair with the maid!
Which actually makes me smile
She is a married lady too!
So the small Mexican town was scandalized
Yet I am sure my uncle was happy
To enjoy yet again of some forbidden love
And even if I miss him now
I somehow would love to raise a glass of wine
In his name and memory
Cause even if gone now
I am quite sure mi tio Pepe
From heaven, and by his mom
Is smiling down to us
Left still on this terrene life

My grandma had 7 children
5 women and 2 men
And this is the first of these siblings
To go away
my grandma died in 2005
so i guess is better that she didn't see him die
I am sure they are together now
she always loved his so much
that other siblings were jealous of him
but also we all know
she worried so much about him and loved him so much
'cause he was indeed her 'trouble child'

And I am extremely sorry and worry
For my mother, she loved him so much too
she didn't care saying always
'my favorite brother'
And it’s the first time in her life
That she loses a brother


my mom and her beloved brother Pepe

So far this year
My mom has lost an ex-husband (my dad)
And a brother
And she endless worries over my frail
health, the damn asthma, the migraines,
my IBS…
now i worry over her too
she just recovered from pneumonia
and at age 62 is facing osteoporosis
she was supposed to arrive to Los Angeles
this Tuesday December 8
but the trip has been postponed or maybe canceled

after my infinite strolling around for years
every time i have vacation for the past 5 years
i either rush to Mexico to visit my family
or to Germany to see Thilo
so i decided mostly 'cause of health
to spend my 2 free weeks at the end of the year
here in San Diego
not jumping on a plane as soon as i get out of work
for once, and so my mom agreed to spend Christmas
here with me...
now this changes everything
and with flight prices so expensive and my horrible
health, i am not sure i can go to Mexico either

My oldest aunt, tia Marilu
Suffered a great deal this year too
With pancreatic cancer
And we all thought that being she the oldest
And with such a terrible sickness
That she would be the first one to part

But as usual, life and death
Are full of surprises
So just like that
My uncle is gone now…
and miraculously my aunt Mary
is recovering
she's such a sweet lady too

and to end

Gracias tío Pepe!
For the times you made me smile
And for showing me that sometimes
We just have to embrace the fun of life
Even if that means to be less healthy
And eventually, younger, have to die

my uncle's full name was
José de Jesús Navarro Uribe
descanse en paz
rest in peace
i am sure many friends here in the US
and in Mexico will raise a glass of wine
on his name and give him a last smile

he had 3 children
2 older men from his first marriage
and a lovely daughter from his second marriage
he didn't live with any of them
but here a picture of 2 of his grandsons
Hector and Nano, sons of his daugter Zarina
this photo from 2005
who lives close to San Diego
Hector, the older kid
the one on the back
sweetly hugging his brother
reminds me a lot of my uncle
he's restless and passionate
and with the same beautiful fair eyes

Hector and Nano, my uncle Pepe's grandsons, South Gate 2005

there goes the fear

today has been a bit of a strange day
the reminders of death linger in the air
again

i feel that i've never been one afraid of dying
i felt safe & secure while reaching the older age
and even if i enjoy life, i never was fearful
of leaving this world before, but now... and
lately, so many deaths have happened
all in this year, the fragility of life
more than ever reveals to me so evident
2009 has been such a deathly year!

to list in chronological order, to match
the title of the blog, my fish pet Kiyo,
my father, only 17 days later after seeing him,
my friend Tina's dad, my best friend's cat,
who was my friend too, Boa,
my friend Tina's dog Einstein
who i used to dog-sit for,
less related but shocking too
Farrah Fawcett, whose fan i was
when i was a very young teenager 'cause
the Charlies Angels TV series which I grew up with
and i washed my hair for at least 3 years with her
shampoo and c'mon!!!
even Michael Jackson dies!!
i am not a Michael Jackson follower
but his presence on the musical back of my life
was there, as it was on mostly every body who ever
heard his name, it made his name one of those
things that you took for granted
and i wrote in my Facebook acc (yes! i am a
Facebook added now...) i do have a couple
of favorite Michael Jackson songs

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
a masterful piece of funk and disco
my favorite Michael Jackson song!
i still think that Off the Wall is his best album
here a good review of the song
and he's so lovely in the video
he was a freaking good song writer!
along the line of Don't Stop 'Til...
i liked the starter of Thriller a lot
the freakish paranoid lyrics too
of Wanna Be Startin Somethin
aren't so pop at all
i can only imagine
how hard must to be to sing this fast
while dancing like that...

but anyway, i wasn't writing about MJ really
but so with all these deaths around
and after seeing a co-worker loosing her job today
unexpectedly, just as Jacko Wacko died,
the fear of dying climbs my spine cord
and even if, of course, i am afraid of what
happens on the after life, my fear is not so much
of going, but of what i leave behind
my fear is mostly driven 'cause of
the 2 wonderful furry cats i take care of!!
never before them i was afraid to die
i was even a little cocky when it came to talk about death
but now... i understand parenthood so much better!
i am afraid of dying 'cause without me, i am not sure
what would happen to the cats!

at 40, i am discovering feelings i never had before
i feel for once the responsibility of having
a creature depending on you, sure i grew up
with my lovely dog Filka, a medium size poodle,
lovely, fluffy, white... but being me a child, and
an adolescent at the end of her life,
well my mom took more care of her than myself
and i did have cats before in Mexico
who, sadly, i had to leave to move here, but
i guess i was younger, bolder, and self-assured
and a bit naive

i understand now fully how my mother always felt
while i was growing up
she used to tell me, that every night she prayed
for not dying before i came out of school
she was funny about it too
she said she started asking God
"please keep me alive at least until my daughter
finishes elementary school..."
later she modified the prayer:
"God please keep me alive at least until my daughter
finishes 'junior high' or 'secundaria' as we call it
in Mexico, later on she kept on praying
for not dying while i was a high-school
or before i had at least a Bachelors' degree
then she added to the list, as i grew older,
to not die before i got married,
or before i had a child

i think she gave up now on me getting married
and having children, but sure every day
she's around this earth i feel luckier to have her around
even if so geographically apart
dunno why, maybe 'cause there goes the fear again
but today i loved and appreciated a little more
every single person in my life...
'cause lately i've realized
how easy could be for any of them or I
to forget that little trick of
breathing in and breathing out
how easy this might be the last time
we look at the skies!

so i am every day more grateful
for being alive
and to cure the little fears
and scare away der old Angst
a song by the Doves
where i stole the title from



PS. and now i have to start
writing a Kitty-Will, ha!
and finding a guardian for the cats
for when i die, i guess that's
what responsible citizens do
for the ones they love
what a way to grow up
thanks to a couple of alley cats ;)

Life: fragile, handle with care

It’s been a while since I write here
Life’s been throwing me moods that keep
My head aloof
My heart cold
My hands uncreative
My fingers reluctant to type

My father died this past January
A couple of days later than my fish

And somehow I don’t complain or suffer much anymore
I just hold stronger each day my warm cup of coffee
as I face another morning
Since I’ve been learning lately
that this morning could be my last

Life’s beauty reflects in its fragility
So every morning that I still breathe alive
I am thankful for another day
For the hot coffee
The warm words
And for these 2 stray cats that circa October 2008
Have been visiting the outside of my porch
And sleeping in my laundry room

The presence of the cats
And the attention they require
To be fed, to be warmed during cold rainy days, etc.
Has been keeping me busy from my own lost
train of thought
the busyness at work keeps me off thinking for 8 eights
mindless distraction but a productive one too
and when i come home, having to take care of live animals
brings out the soulful behaviors that core our hearts
compassion and respect for a fellow living creature
are best practices for one's soul, and even without trying
i cannot pretend to not care... is in my nosey nature
to get involved... with plants, animals, and people
sure! why not?
Ich bin neugierig! ja...


cats waiting at my little porch where there are plenty of birds,
hummingbirds... they know eventually i'll give them food,
pets, and their other plenty of catish demands

Life, again, beautiful
Life, again, fragile
These 2 furry creatures so dependable
On this unknown Mexican
To feed them, to cover them
And to share a pet or a smile

and today...
Good day is today!
when i finally come out of my web-shell
To share some of my stubborn words
some bad pictures, and awry notes
With my dear friends online

Hope I can keep this little blog alive
After all, one day, it might be
All, I left behind, along with your comments
and some online virtual smiles


this lovely handsome 'Blond Cat' as i call him
sort of 'felt' from the house next door
he kept on escaping from the 2nd floor window
my neighbor and myself (we take care of him)
agree that he just wasn't happy at his old home
it seem that two older boys used to play 'rough' with him
and he's better off living in the streets, or my porch
and our laundry room for that matter, he's about 2 years old
and he's one large cat!


hanging out by the electric meters is one of his favorite hobbies


the Blond Cat is very fond of heights
he rests on top of the back gate and climbs on roofs
more now than then...


hanging out at the back gate, she's really afraid of my
DSLR camera lens, as it shows here
i have to photographer with the little Canon


and she is the 'black and white kitty'
the veterinary said she's about 9 months old
she arrived to our house complex about 3 months ago
i think she escaped from a home too, since she is spayed
she and Blond Cat don't get along very well, they fight a lot
but they do sleep together in the same laundry room
and fight over who comes first for a couple of minutes into my home

[a personal note on Cats:]
I cannot adopt these cats fully
I am allergic to cats, dogs, dust, etc.
that's why I had a fish on the 1st place
the Blond Cat sleeps many times with my neighbor next door
and the black and white kitty feels the laundry room as her home
they both come in & out of my house for short periods of time
I am not sure what will be of them, but as long as I live there
I will feed them and take care of them, maybe I will find
a home for the b&w kitty and Blond Cat will stay permanently
with my neighbor... in the meantime, they keep me entertained
and away from wondering too much over life or useless thoughts
and in exchange I try to keep them fed, healthy, and warm...
sometimes people ask me why I don't name them, and I guess
it's 'cause I hope they'll find a home permanently somewhere else
maybe with a new neighbor around here... and also 'cause I didn't
really brought them here, they arrived by themselves, so they belong
to me as much as I belong to them, I imagine they call me "the crazy
mexican lady who gives us food"
and I call them the 'Blond Cat' and 'the black and white kitty'...
and we sure understand us fine! [a blink of the eye]

also sharing this our space we have the frequent
and recurrent visit of

1. these family of birds, or what i call
"kitty TV premium cable"
i've been feeding this family of birds
who live on a big bush of the house next door
for months now
every morning i place seeds, the birds come to eat
the cats have a great entertainment
they chuckle and make that noise cats make when they see birds



[also, i placed a long ago a hummingbird feeder
so hummingbirds come around here a lot
i have learned not to try to photograph them
they whoosh when they see my camera or lens
i just contemplate them and let them eat in peace...]

2. skunks, yes! a real-life Pepé Le Pew!!
i have seen this big one below for a couple of nights
my neighbor says he saw 2 of them fitting outside my door
they don't spray very often, but when they do
my porch and house stink really strong of a couple of hours
they seem like nice fellows to me, and they have never tried
to attack me, they come out very late at night and i just stay
inside my 'safe' screen door and stare...


bad quality photo, but i didn't want to get too close
to mister Le Pew and stink for a while...

3. possums, like this one below
who lived for a couple of nights
in my storage room, during the day he would sleep in the red bucket
and at nights we wondered around the patio
and fed on the cat's dry food at the laundry room
i have stopped the free-feeding though, the cats started
to show bites and sores, and there were fights almost every night
with possums or foreign cats...



San Diego has more wildlife in the city than
one could think... it is the canyons inside the city
but since I grew up in Mexico city, big buildings
an apartment girl with a small white indoors dog
so now I rather enjoy now this
'wilder' life, although it's a lot of work and concern
to try to keep up with outdoor 1/2 time pets...

home or flying, morbid text

Some days you are in
Some day you are out
Matter of how you feel
Or of luck, I guess

Anyway
I was just thinking
Wondering
Where the servers of Gmail are at
And what if?
They all get hurt
All of my gmail conversations would be gone

Just like that one time
While working in Mexico City at the Hard Rock Café
When by mistake I re-formatted a whole hard-drive
From a Mac
Full of designs and information
Those were the days when back-ups weren’t as common
Just a dumb mistake
But a very strange sensation of liberation as well
The data that was driving me crazy
And that absorbed many hours of my attention
In a jiffy… gone!
How fragile is information
And life for that matter, even more…

Anyway, but there are these days
When you ask yourself
About your properties and states of material states
I mean, you move from cities
Some friends keep and stay
Some people in your life just come easy
and then easy go away
Some others, luckily, stay,
Same with some family members
Lovers and friends…
All changes
even the things that don't move
they change, because they don't
paradoxical or stupid
but it is true



But there’s always this hard-to-let go feeling
Always the lost
And the possessive character of humans
Among the metaphysical, metaphorical and/or tangible properties
Always hard seems to be to change
To permute into another phase of yourself

So as I wonder where are my almost 2 GB of gmails living in this world
[I think close to the San Francisco area is actually where Google lives, so I guess around there…] anyway
I wonder too,
How wonderful might be the final let go of death!
I mean, I worry about if there are scratches on my CDS
Or if my photos are too dark
Or too bright
Or if I wrote you the proper lines for you to know how much I care
Or if I made the changes to the catalog OK
Of it was a bad decision to skip the gym today…

But one day…
All won’t matter anymore
One day
Like it or not
I will have to let go
No more problems with the bills or the money
No plans, no worries if I feel fat or lean,
No worries if the sony is fully charged
Or if I owe the IRS some more cash
No worries of my Mexican past
Nor of my American present
Nor of the future, even less, of course!
Of the future
I guess there’s no future once you are dead
Hard to tell…

One day
Just like that
No more worries
No more checking e-mails
No more balancing out the color levels of the pix
No more buying gas for the automovil…
No more veggies no more meat
One day
Kaput and just like that

Wonder if they have heaven-web-mail up there
Or an inferno-intranet…
I will wait and then check
Too bad, I don’t think I can come back and tell…

There are days to fly
There are days to face home